Readers, the sizzling summer continues and the temperature has been hot, hot, hot again today. This has left everyone with no choice whatsoever but to hold endless barbecues. To be honest, things were a little over the top in my area today, though, as THREE consecutive houses all had barbecues at slightly different times. We were first and therefore took precedence, closely followed by Lovelyneighbourontheright and then blow me down, Niceneighboursontheleft started one at tea-time. This was very vexing for me as the smell of cooking meat lingered from 1pm until 8pm. Nobody thought of me in all this, and how difficult it would be for me to put up with it.
In all fairness, though, I did scrounge absolutely loads of food today. We had GUESTS which made a pleasant change, and I was very excited to see these included Grandma and pretty AD. Readers, you will remember from long ago that AD is very, very pretty and I always get a little over-excited when I see her, in the physical sense. Anyway, as soon as I realised it was her at the door, I stopped my vicious barking and skidded along the wooden hall floor, whimpering with sheer joy. I jumped up at her and made silly noises. Once I had calmed down, we went to the garden with cold drinks, and it was a good job She had stocked up with a lot of drink as by golly it seemed to disappear by the gallon on this hot afternoon.
Now when my own family have a barbecue – a half-hearted affair as you know – I am given nothing. Not one piece of burger, not one sliver of sausage, due to my weight issues. Today, Readers, it was all so different. For a start there was FAR more food on the table than usual, and it was groaning with an array of salads, French bread, cold salmon and prawns…. this was a ridiculous attempt to impress people, and I want it made clear right now that this only happens when they come round. Then we all sat in the sunshine laughing and chatting – and that never happens usually, either – so I thought I’d try my luck and beg for some food. I chose the person who looked the most gullible, and sat by him, making my eyes go extra brown and large, and pushing my ears up into the cute, inquisitive position. This worked a treat and he gave me a piece of burger. Then another. And some sausage. The other people soon cottoned on to this, and I scrounged all sorts of bits from them. Obviously my own family didn’t give me a thing, but the visitors all said how slim I was looking and kept giving me snacks.
Buoyed on by this success, I started asking for my lunch at 2pm. I stood in the middle of the lawn and barked in an annoying, silly tone. As people were still trying to chat and laugh – yes, still some cheery laughter – they soon found this very irritating and gave in. I was given my dinner at 2.15pm. Readers, you know quite well that my dinner time is 4pm. When 4pm came round, I stood in the middle of the lawn and did the silly barking again, pretending to have forgotten I had been fed. This also worked, as they were trying to play football which I rendered difficult by standing in front of the goal and whining for my dinner. So I was fed again. All round this was rather excellent. I like barbecues.
I wasn’t over-impressed by all the lounging around in the garden. endlessly talking and laughing though. It was extremely dreary and did seem to go on a long time. Young Lad was equally bored and organised a football match which livened things up a little, especially when all the balls were kicked over the neighbours’ fences and had to be retrieved with a lot of apologising. Then kicked over again.
Eventually I made it clear that enough was enough, and I was ready for my evening walk. It was cooling down a little at the river which was pleasant, and for some reason a huge number of large brown labradors were all down there at the same time. Labradors like to throw themselves headlong into deep water, ludicrous animals, whereas I am more refined and just paddle in gently from the edge – today I went as far as my elbows, which is really quite adventurous for me. It was nice.
On exiting the river, I was screeched at in a horrid tone and told to “come here NOW!” I could sense from the urgency in her voice that there was some terrible danger about to befall me. In actual fact, there was a large hedgehog ambling slowly across the grass, and She was worried that I would eat it. To be frank I did have a go at catching the darned thing, but was on the lead by then so was pulled swiftly away at the last moment. Thus the hedgehog continued wandering across the grass towards a family on their bikes. She screeched “look out!” just in time, and there was some superb braking to avoid hitting the hedgehog. The family all stopped to look at it and the mother did then say “do they bite?” as she realised she was wearing flipflops whilst standing next to it. Of course not. I think.
Yesterday was a funny old day, what with watching England play in the World Cup, and being so jolly hot. Everyone was at home and nobody had much energy. This suited me just fine.
This week coming looks like another ridiculously busy one, and I really feel that someone needs to sit down and think about our lifestyle. Tomorrow, She and Lad are at the Important Place in London yet again, Young Lad has cricket practice after school, and He is doing silly hours at work. Where do I fit into all this, I hear you ask? A very good question.
Then there is a possibility that Young Lad will have a cricket match on Tuesday evening AND Thursday evening, to which I sincerely hope I am taken. I do like a good walk or ten round the boundary, and I feel that the other people at the cricket club miss me if I’m not there. Anyway, I expect the next half hour tonight will be spent texting or Whatsapping or whatever it is She does, to find somewhere to dump myself and Young Lad when we don’t fit into everyone else’s schedule. It’s nice to be so wanted.
See you soon,