Let sleeping dogs lie

44751726-a-cartoon-illustration-of-a-beagle-sleeping-and-dreaming- I had a lovely sleep in my favourite armchair at dear Ebony’s house this afternoon.   It was incredibly peaceful, unlike my own house most of the time, as Ebony, her Pack Leader Male and I all had an afternoon snooze in the lounge.  We had all been over-doing things, and needed a rest.  You could have heard a pin drop, other than the occasional snore, as we dozed contentedly.  I do find it irritating when She says things like Fat Chance of A Bldy Afternoon Snooze for Some of Us, as it shows clear lack of understanding of the strain I’m under at times.  For example, the window cleaner has just rung the doorbell, and someone has walked past my house with a labrador, so I’ve had to bark and go ballistic TWICE in the last ten minutes.  This is exhausting.

Yesterday was rather nice, as Lad decided to stay at home for the day so I had some civilised company.  Actually we just stayed in bed and slept all morning, but this was fine by me.  There was the usual stressy leaving home for school/work early in the morning, with Young Lad being told a million times to pack his football kit ready for that afternoon’s match.  They drove off up the road with a sharp list of “football boots? Kit? shinpads?” being barked at him, but unfortunately Young Lad fell silent after the “shinpads?” bit.  Yes, Readers, Young Lad had forgotten his shinpads, so they had to drive back home to get them.  This caused an atmosphere in the car, and is another Time Management issue for Young Lad.  Anyway, after all this shouting and kerfuffle, Gingercat and I went back to sleep.  There was nothing else to do, as all the bins had been moved and doors shut.  When Lad finally surfaced at lunchtime, I decided it was time to get up and joined him downstairs.  Lad had been told to give me a walk, but luckily this wasn’t one of the ridiculous 4 mile power walks that She insists on.  No – Lad took me round the Rec and up to Tesco Express to buy some milk and sweets. Readers, this was a new experience for me.  Lad was unaware of the food shop/hygiene/no dogs rules, and took me INTO Tesco Express!!  Oh it was marvellous, I thought all my Christmases had come at once.  The smells!  Amazingly, none of the staff gently and kindly explained to Lad that dogs aren’t allowed in shops, so She had to tell him, in the “you did WHAT?” kind of way, later in the evening.  Lad now understands fully that he can’t take me into Tesco Express, which is a shame.

Communication was something of a problem here yesterday, Friends.  Young Lad, as you know, has had an extremely busy week on the sporting front, and yesterday had a football match after school.  It had been arranged that He would collect Young Lad from school after the football match at 4.30–4.45pm.  When He arrived at 4.40pm, there was no sign of Young Lad in the school car park;  this meant that some panicky phone calls were in order, before walking round the corner to the football pitch and finding that the game was still in progress.

Well, in a rare moment of generosity I was taken to cricket training last night!  You will remember that I wasn’t taken to the match on Monday as I’m a “pain” and interrupt the socialising, but last night pity was taken on me and I was SO excited when I heard my lead picked up!  What a wonderful evening I had, wandering round and round the pitch, sniffing out bird poo and occasionally digging it out of the grass with my paws.  It was a warm, glorious evening and there was really no need to sit in the bar talking for the first half hour – this was boring and frankly selfish.  There was a sublime moment when I got my lead tangled round a table and She had to unclip me – Readers, I saw my moment and raced out of the door, with She running after me, shouting.  I didn’t get very far, sadly, as there were some crumbs on the grass just near the clubhouse, so She caught up with me quickly.  Still, it was a nice try.

Now, tonight poor Young Lad was supposed to have after-school cricket training and then a match.  Thankfully the latter was cancelled, due to insufficient players, and the former…..well, Young Lad decided he was too tired  after the double whammy of a football match and cricket training yesterday.  To be honest, I don’t blame him, and think too much is expected of Young Lad at times.  It is far better for him to be lying on the sofa under the red fleece blanket watching football on the telly.  Lad has gone to see his Lad friends today, and is on his way back via many trains and buses.  Lad enjoys all these trips on public transport and it is a lovely sunny evening for such an adventure.

I’m a little annoyed with Lad, actually, as he has dobbed me in.  This morning, in between having a nice long lie-in, I did wander round and found a crisp packet or two, and some empty boxes put out for the recycling (or chucked in the back porch, as it is more accurately known.)  I decided to place all these things on the lounge carpet, and then rip them into small pieces which I could then spit all over the shop.  It was fun.  There are still several of these under the dining room table, which rarely gets cleaned under, so nobody will find them for months.  I do feel Lad has been a little disloyal in telling on me, and will be discussing this with him tomorrow.

Do you know, I was only thinking the other day that I haven’t updated you on a couple of things for a while.  Readers, Homeless Guy outside Sainsbury’s hasn’t been there for quite a while now – indeed, he has chosen a new pitch much closer to Costalotta.  This may or may not be a subtle hint; who knows.  He looks rather poorly and She is definitely going to find the time to buy him a coffee and talk to him soon.  But will still go to Dreggs to save the 50p.  The next update is more shocking, and I’m really quite embarrassed about this.  It is June.  Christmas was in December.  The Christmas lights that went round the windows are STILL dumped on a box in Lad’s bedroom, and have never been anywhere near the loft, which is where they are meant to be stored.  I make that 6 months of slovenliness whereby nobody can be bothered to pull down the loft ladder and put the bldy things away.  Readers, do you still have Christmas lights dumped in a bedroom?  Of course you don’t.

Meghan Markle definitely doesn’t still have Christmas lights dumped in a bedroom six months after the event.  Her house is clean, hygienic and doesn’t have dubious stains on the carpets.  I want to live in Nottingham Cottage South Ken, and it’s about time I started thinking about Plan B.  

See you soon,




Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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