Help yourself!

0005421_knuckle-bone-for-dogsTonight, Readers, they’ve been out for dinner. Again.  This is the second time in a week, and is unacceptable.  I really was cross about this, so while they were out, I had a good look around. The bins had been emptied, the bedroom doors shut, and the recycling went with the dustmen this morning.  In the absence of anything else to do, I opened the food cupboard (which Regular Readers know is now the plastic bags and irritating Tupperware cupboard as I raided it once too often.)  But what a result!  The HUGE bone that had been bought for me last week to keep me quiet at Nana aged 87’s house and not used, had been put on the shelf in this cupboard!!!  What a reckless error!! Oh my word, I couldn’t believe my luck.  Without further ado, I dragged the HUGE knuckle bone into the lounge and ripped off the plastic covering.  I will spend the rest of the evening gnawing and chewing, making a bldy annoying grating sound, and building up lots of wind. This serves them right for going out to eat twice in one week, which is downright immoral.

Anyway, Readers, it amused me to hear the saga of this meal out.  He had booked a table at a nice restaurant to which He hadn’t ever been, and miscalculated in which town the restaurant was situated.  Instead of going south they went north.  Anyway, it was a lovely evening to be driving round the back roads of the county, and Lad and Young Lad weren’t sick in the back of the car, which makes a change.  Once He realised that the restaurant was not where he thought it was, they turned abruptly and headed south.  For quite a long way.  This was funny and made everyone in the car laugh a lot. Once at the restaurant, the maitre d’ mistook them for part of a large party and took them to the wrong table.  Then they had to move. The menus came and the food was Posh and Lovely.  Unfortunately neither Lad nor Young Lad are posh or lovely, and asked where the cod and chips were.  To be fair to Lad, he felt he could try Skate Wing, but  Young Lad showed no such resolve.  Thankfully there was a children’s menu that had chicken breast and chunky chips, so the day was saved.  Then Lad decided he wasn’t refined as he thought he was, and asked for an adult size portion of the children’s menu chicken breast and chips.  But they had a jolly nice meal, and didn’t bring me anything, which was selfish.

This morning, He was in charge at home, refereeing fights between Young Lad and Lad.  Then they went into town to do some shopping.  Not having been for a long time, She sat in John Lewis in a nearby town, having a think and letting the clean tidiness calm her.  There was some wandering amongst the clothes for a few minutes, and a mental debate was held as to whether £69 is quite a lot for a vest top.  The decision was made that it was rather a lot, and a trip to H&M across the road was in order, where they are £6.99.  This seems prudent.  One should know one’s place in life, if you ask me. Once home, lunch was made (baguettes from Lidl, 29p each so I think the message about one’s place had sunk in) and then I was taken out for a lovely walk.  Now, I am still limping a little, which has the excellent result of only being dragged for two miles instead of four.  There was some food out on the grass near the houses, and because She thought I couldn’t run far, had let me off the lead.  Readers, I could run far and quite fast, as it happens. The food was an interesting mixture of diced potato and onions.  I couldn’t tell if a resident had thrown out their stew for the birds, or been sick.  Either way, it was nice. 

Oh here we go, I’m being shouted at for the horrid grating noises I’m making with the bone.  Tough.

Readers, it’s been very noisy here this afternoon and frankly it has got on my nerves.  Somebody over the road had a party.  They had FAR too many guests at this party, and there were cars parked all over the place, plus banging doors every two minutes. There was a lot of laughing and shouting, and some SINGING!  This really was too much.  Do you know, half of them are still there now?  What’s wrong with people?  I wish they would shut up and go home; it makes me very nervous. 

Yesterday, Young Lad actually left the house and went to the cinema with a couple of friends to watch Solo: A Star Wars Story.  This sounds very dreary, and indeed one of his friends thought it was.  They had a nice time putting popcorn in each others’ drinks, though, and trying to squeeze into those little coin-operated rides aimed at toddlers.  What a jolly time of it they had.  There was a worrying moment when the cinema staff nearly didn’t let Young Lad into the film, as he is four weeks too young for the certificate it held.  Thankfully pity was taken on Young Lad and he was allowed to go in.  She said, it’s Star Wars for the love of God, how inappropriate can it bldy be, and things like that.

I heard a story recently about a dog who lives in the same town as me, who stole not one, but TWO large home-made quiches that were on the side cooling.  I think this sounds like a right result, and I think the name that her Pack Leader called her is needless and insensitive.  Granted, there is a lot of work in a quiche, what with the pastry base and eggy filling, but so what?  If one’s dog has the skill and ability to reach them, who can blame her?  The word that rhymes with witch is simply not acceptable when referring to the poor animal. Anyway, her Pack Leader had to go out and buy two large artisan-looking quiches, which she should have done in the first place.

Golly, I’m exhausted, what with the party over the road and my HUGE bone.  Time for a comfort break, and then a sleep.

Bye for now,

Russell

 

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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