Danger

0511-0812-2901-5536_Spry_Old_Woman_Running_With_a_Walker_clipart_image Readers, there was very nearly a Terrible Incident at our house yesterday.  There is a lady of, er, advancing years who chooses to stand outside my house, waiting for a lift, every so often.  This is unacceptable.  Yesterday morning, I was happily sitting on the sofa looking out the window and pondering the day ahead, when down the road she came.  Slowly.  Then she stopped, right by our front garden, where she sometimes waits for someone to give her a lift.  Now, this lady has white hair, a walking stick, AND a shopping bag.  I find all of these things rather sinister.   I barked ferociously at her, baying loudly, to tell her I was On Guard and not to Try Any Nonsense.  Then, Readers, she shifted her walking stick to the other hand.  This signified an Imminent Attack, so I went even more ballistic.  As for putting her shopping bag down on the pavement in that aggressive way…..well, I was beside myself. Young Lad and She tried rugby tackling me to the floor and telling me to button it, but I was not going to stop all the time that Threat was outside.  Thankfully her friend turned up to collect her, but I was very unhappy about how long it took her to get into the car.  I don’t know why everyone kept shouting at me – I was protecting them from harm!

Conversely, today I was perfectly happy to have two large Paramedics in the house in their Dark Green Uniforms and equipment bags with beeping machines that could easily be explosives.  Did I bark aggressively at them?  No, Readers, I did not.  Because I can sense what REAL danger is, and it was the lady who was 75 if she was a day, yesterday.  So I bounced up the the Paramedics, wagging my tail, and sat on their feet, while they made a big fuss of me.  Isn’t he adorable, they said.  Sorry, what’s that?  You want to know why we had Paramedics in the house?  It’s hardly a big deal.  Oh all right, Young Lad had one of his funny turns.  There’s ALWAYS someone in this house having some sort of medical crisis – they are very attention-seeking.  Young Lad is fine, blah blah blah, they always are in the end.  Anyway, back to me.  I enjoyed my few minutes with the paramedics who were far more interested in me than Young Lad’s funny turn.  Understandably.  But if that elderly lady waits for her lift outside my house again, I will give her what for.  I know trouble when I see it.

Yesterday was a lovely day – the warmest of the year so far.  The sun came out and I could feel it on my back as I lay in the garden.  Gingercat came outside  and I had a rare moment of levity in which I chased him from corner to corner – well, I ran at him and barked, but he stood still and looked unimpressed. I wanted him to run away in Terrible Fear, but he didn’t.  Disappointing.  Some gardening was carried out, and Lad was meant to be having a break from his Revision to do some gardening jobs, but decided to hang out with a friend instead.  I don’t blame him.  Young Lad came out to play football in the garden, but succeeded in kicking the ball two houses away over the back, so that was the end of that. Not one to give up, he played with the frisbee, but threw that over the fence as well.  It was suggested he play Boules, as there is less chucking/kicking over the fence involved, but he said that was lame.  Later on She and Young Lad went shopping to get his feet measured, which is a bldyhideous experience every bldyschoolholiday apparently.  It was suggested that they stop for coffee afterwards as a treat for Young Lad (sorry for whom?) but Young Lad was having none of it and they came home.  In the meantime, I had found Young Lad’s school bag in his bedroom, and raided it.  Surprisingly, there was no food whatsoever in it, so I pulled out the plastic case in which his maths equipment is kept, and ripped it up.  It was something to do.

It was like Piccadilly Circus here yesterday afternoon. Lovelydor from down the road popped in with a present for me – what a kind woman she is.  It was some rather lovely dog food.  At the same time, Lovelyneighbourontheright popped round with their young cockapoo to show us his new haircut.  I wasn’t interested. I was very interested, though, in Lovelydor’s present for me.

I had a super walk at the river yesterday in the warm sunshine, and we marched round Top Field to the rhythm of Music of The Night, from Phantom of The Opera.  Nope, no idea.  I’m sure the original had quite a slow, mellow rhythm but yesterday’s version was much faster and stompy. I got my own back by running off into the bushes, and refusing to come out for ages.  There was some mild panic, as the whistle was lost a few weeks ago, and feeble shouting of, “biscuit!”  doesn’t quite do it.  I took my time, eating whatever cack I’d found, and wandered slowly back to her when I was good and ready.  Needless to say I was put on the lead and told off.

Dinner last night involved left-over apple crumble.  It had been hoped that Young Lad would make the apple crumble, as he had made such a success of it in Food Tech at school, but Young Lad was disinclined to, due to the injuries sustained making apple crumble at school.  He had peeled half his finger alongside the apples, another boy cut his finger quite deeply, and a girl had to be sent home as her apple crumble injuries were so severe.  This has slightly put Young Lad off making it again.  Next up in Food Tech at school is Tomato Soup.  This is worrying as I imagine the tomatoes have to be peeled.

After dinner last night I was dragged round the rec for my second walk of the day.  This added an extra mile to our Exercise Quotient and was quite unnecessary.  Still, I showed willing and chased the tennis ball when flung from the pink ball flinger thing.  Twice, then lost interest.  Once home, He curled up on the sofa with me, which was much more my cup of tea.

Luckily I had JUST returned from my lovely long walk this morning, when Young Lad had one of his turns.  So at least I didn’t lose out on Me Time.  And thankfully nobody had the energy to drag me over the rec this evening.  It was Pizza night, after all, and now everyone is happily on the sofa apart from Lad, who is happily on the Xbox.  Lad has done five hours of revision today so deserves to chill out, if you ask me.   And She seems to think she deserves her friend Gordon, and He is about to open a nice bottle of red.  What do I get?  Sweet FA.

Bye for now,

Russell

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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