Bank holiday bath

cartoon-dog-bath-illustration-taking-47296803Readers, the mention of a Family Walk in HartyFarty Forest was no joke!  Yes, a mere two years after the unfortunate incident with the stag, I was allowed to go back yesterday.  Oh it was glorious, I can’t tell you.  Well I can tell you, and will do so shortly.  Earlier in the morning, He went into work for a couple of hours, and She took me for a walk by the river as usual.   This was wholly unnecessary, bearing in mind the plan for HartyFartyForest in the afternoon, but it was decided we should have a two mile Power Walk in the morning, in case it rained and we didn’t make it out in the afternoon.  How ridiculous.  To be fair, it was lovely down at the river, and I saw many friends.  Well,  first of all I had to negotiate my way past Rufus The German Shepherd on the path – he was standing across the path staring at me, much like Gus the Pug did yesterday, albeit a lot bigger.  So I dithered around, hopping from foot to foot again, unsure how to get past.  Luckily I found a detour that took me through some very dense bushes – it was rather scratchy, but meant I didn’t get near enough Rufus for him to kill me.

Further on, there was a large pack of dogs including my dear friend Chuck.  However, Chuck’s coat was not gleaming and silky in the sunlight as usual – in fact I barely recognised him.  Chuck has had a rather severe haircut.  He looked thin and less lustrous than normal.  Poor Chuck.  Chuck’s Pack Leader asked why we weren’t in church on this Easter Sunday morning, which was a good point to be fair, but She feels lots of spiritual uplifting is achieved by our peaceful walks, at one with nature, in the fresh air. What a load of rubbish.  We marched on into Far Field where I yet again failed to find anything in which to roll.  (Don’t worry, I  made up for it later.)

Back home, Lad was struggling out of bed with a cup of tea and Young Lad was trying to find something to do.  Not very hard.  A Big Sunday Lunch was cooked with Yorkshire puddings and the works.  It smelled gorgeous.  Sadly the Yorkshireburnt, but the roast potatoes were just the right shade of golden with lots of crispy bits on.  To my delight the tray of roast potatoes was dropped as it was removed from the oven – you can imagine the language – and two splatted onto the floor.  They weren’t there long. And then, Readers, it was Time To Go!!  We all piled into the car – although Lad was sent back indoors to change his designer trainers for welly boots – and off we went.  Oh I had been longing to go back.  As soon as I was let off the lead, I raced across bumpy hillocks and enormous cow pats – joy written all over me.  The smells!  There was unmistakable Deer smell right from the word go.  Obviously Lad and Young Lad wanted to head for the Forest Cafe first, and I was told off for trying to eat chip ends and crumbs lying around. Lad and Young Lad were disappointed not to be bought portions of chips, as they had just had bldyRoastdinner, and had to make do with a diet coke between them.  They didn’t look happy.  Then it was time for the Proper Walk across the Wild Part of the Forest, being careful not to Get Lost (as that has happened before.)  Readers, I remembered the EXACT spot in which I saw the stag  two years ago.  The EXACT spot.  I pride myself on attention to detail like this.  Up till this point, I had been allowed to run free, but as soon as I put my nose to the ground and started sprinting like the 2.30 at Epsom, I was intercepted and put on the lead. Very, very disappointing.

20180401_153047 In this diagram, you can clearly see me staring into the part of the forest in which I saw the stag two years ago.  How I wanted to get in there, and recreate that twenty five minutes of chasing a huge Royal Stag round the forest at full speed, making strange wild dog baying sounds, and being chased and screamed at by Lad and She.  But oh no, Readers, I have been put on the lead at this point, to make sure I can’t show them up again.  For goodness’ sake.  I’m a hunting dog!!  However, this diagram also shows how completely waterlogged the forest was, so by the end of our two and a half miles of walking, I was absolutely filthy, plus I found a huge pile of green cack to roll in, and plastered it all along my back.  This was funny and served them right for putting me on the lead.  They had been thinking of “stopping at the pub” on the way home, but there was no way they could, once I was covered from head to foot in foul-smelling green slime.  Too funny.

I stopped laughing once we were home, however, as Lad and Young Lad were instructed to bath me.  To be fair to them, they did a good job and Lad even bleached the bath afterwards as it was black. I haven’t seen teamwork like this, amongst Lad and Young Lad, for years.  Ever, in fact.  Lad did the lifting and rinsing, whilst Young Lad did the shampooing.  They didn’t find the need to hit each other or call each other cretins, for the whole time!  Remarkable.  This bonhomie had started in the forest, where they lagged behind by about half a mile and discussed Xbox games.  Dull beyond belief, but no thumping or  name-calling.  I was sent to my bed to dry off, as Wet Dog smell is only marginally better than Rolled In Green Cack smell, and a big Sunday tea was prepared, with home-made lemon drizzle bars (rubbish, didn’t rise,) and egg sandwiches. Plus the never-ending carrot sticks.  What a nice Easter Sunday, Readers. Peaceful and Family-centred.  I’m sure we can be forgiven for not going to church, and for choosing The Great Outdoors as our place of worship.

Today wasn’t quite so good, I have to say.  They went out for a pub lunch with Pretty AD and the rest of the family, and I was not invited.  Nope. Left here, on my own, while He tucked into Steak and Kidney Pie, Lad and Young Lad opted for Cod and Chips, and She splashed out on the Lemon Sole.  Utterly selfish.  All bedroom doors were closed, all bins removed, and I had nothing to do except look through the food cupboard, but couldn’t be bothered to pull out the tin foil today. Dull.

Readers, I hope you have had a pleasant Easter Weekend with lots of lovely special food to eat.  This has been sadly lacking for me.

Bye for now,

Russell

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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