Appalling, Readers, appalling. In last night’s blog there was a pithy comment about the pasta all over the lounge floor which had been hoovered up, rather than picked up, therefore clogging up the hoover. Well. This pithy comment was on the assumption that it was He, Lad or Young Lad that had hoovered it up. But no! It was Ebony’s Pack Leader, who out the kindness of her wonderful heart, had tried to clear up my mess. How ungrateful, Readers, and how rude to besmirch the unblemished character of Ebony’s Pack Leader. I hope she never again bothers to clear up any chaos that I’ve caused – it will serve them right.
But there was karma in the air today. Ebony’s Pack Leader was away at something called Crufts, so we took Ebony out for a walk with us. Initially She said Ebony was to stay on the lead as she has been known to run off, but up in Top Field, pity was taken on Ebony, who looked sad that she could only walk slowly and not run. It’ll be ok, She thought, I’m sure Ebony will come back when I blow the whistle, She said. Ebony had heard about the snippy Pasta comment last night on the blog, and decided to stand up for her Adored Pack Leader. Also, she saw a pheasant in the field next door, so took off like the wind and didn’t look back. “I’m sure Ebony will come back when I blow the whistle.” Nah. “Shout sausage?” Nope. “Scream lookatthistastysnack?” Nein. Swear very Loudly and Badly, and run desperately through knee high mud and weeds in welly boots for HALF AN HOUR? No. And so, Readers, this is what happens when you slander somebody. You spend your Sunday afternoon panting and sweating as you run uphill in the vain hope that you might catch up with a young, fit Bearded Pointer who was on a Mission. Ebony finally slowed down to pick up a rabbit carcass, and ran off with the head, just as She, He and myself got tantalisingly close. Off we went again, charging through the countryside, one of us dangling rabbits ears from our mouth. A desperate and ungainly lunge was made, with more Bad Language, and Ebony was finally secured. She and I looked at each other and cracked up. It really was very funny.
We were marched back, both very muddy, and Ebony was delivered home with profuse apologies for the state of her. And for whatever the rabbit’s head does to her bowels. A top afternoon, Readers, and well deserved.
Dear Lord, it really has been a day. Being Sunday, we looked after Lovelyneighbourontheright’s cockapoo puppy, and being Sunday, it jumped all over my head and wanted to play. I told it what I thought of this. Then Gingercat got involved – he had been happily sitting in front of the telly, as he likes to do as it annoys everyone, and the cockapoo puppy went bouncing up and jumped up at him. Gingercat doesn’t tolerate this kind of jolly behaviour any more than I do, so thumped him. Cockapoo puppy didn’t quite get the message, so it erupted into a full- on fight, which Lad had to end by separating them. Young Lad very helpfully stood and watched. I suspect this is what he does when there are fights at school. Although possibly he films them on his phone. So eventually Cockapoo puppy went home, and peace was restored. On the plus side, the cockapoo puppy did manage to find a soft rugby ball that Young Lad lost several weeks ago, so Young Lad was very pleased.
Other than that, it’s been Homework afternoon, with Young Lad writing about a poem called Charlotte Dymond by Charles Causley, and learning facts about Britain. I ask you. Lad has been doing some Maths which makes a refreshing change from Chemistry, but I find them all very humdrum. I can’t remember the last time Lad or Young Lad learned anything useful, such as how to get chopped tomato stains out of the carpet. There was a break during the afternoon, Readers, when they all went out because it was Mother’s Day. After much discussion, they went for a cream tea somewhere, and it might have been nice to invite me along, but nobody did. I like the sound of scone, jam and cream, or the massive wedge of chocolate cake that Young Lad had, but no, I was left at home. And all the doors were shut so that I couldn’t bldygetuptoanything. It was boring. Then, because it was Mother’s Day, a trip to SparksmeanMarks was made on the way back from the cream tea, as She didn’t want to bldycook tonight. What an attitude. Now, SparksmeanMarks have this excellent thing called Dine In for £10, Readers, which gives you a main meal, side dish, pudding and bottle of wine for er, let me think, £10. What value. and the best part of this is that these are all ready meal type things that
lazy busy people bung in the oven, so there are lots of plastic trays involved. Though I suspect SparksMeanMarks might have to re-think this, since David Attenborough (he’s 90 you know) brought the world’s attention to the problems of plastic.
Friends, I have some bad news. I have been told that She is working All Week. I know, I feel exactly the same. It is dreadfully irresponsible and downright selfish to work all week. It makes my eyes fill just thinking about it. But while I’m in my chair tonight, I’m going to have a think about what I can get up to. There has been a lot of tidying up and cleaning this weekend, but I don’t remember anyone emptying the upstairs bins, so I’ll start there and work down. Don’t worry too much about me, Readers, as yet again Pippa and Ebony’s Pack Leaders are Stepping Up and showing the love and responsibility so lacking here. So I will have Fun and Wonderful Company, but not with my own family. (I hope Ebony has recovered from being shouted at in that awful fishwife-like way across the fields this afternoon. )
So I’d be surprised if there any many blogs this week, as She’ll be toobldybusy, but I’ll do my best to create merry hell here for you all. Watch this space.
See you soon,