Red splodges

0000001268423_LWell, Readers, I’ve had a busy couple of days.  Yesterday they all went to work/school yet again, which annoyed me.  There has been nobody here of a day since Monday – unbelievable.  So I decided to make a bit of a stand.  They left at 7.30am yesterday, and by 7.32am I had finished the teaspoon of tuna mayo that had been squashed into my Kong.  I wandered around looking for something to do, and settled on emptying the bathroom bin. Now, something very unfair happened.  Ebony’s Pack Leader came to collect me, but she sneaked in very quietly and I didn’t hear her.  I didn’t even hear her come up the stairs, and I certainly didn’t hear her come into the bathroom because I had my head in the bin at the time.  Readers, She made me jump.  I was very upset that Ebony’s Pack Leader had caught me in the act of misbehaving, as she normally has a Very High Opinion of me, and  so I had an Extremely Guilty look on my face.  Ashamed, I was led down the stairs and off to Ebony’s house where I behaved impeccably for the rest of the day. Once home again in the afternoon, I had a look through the food cupboard.  The tins looked boring, but I found a carton of chopped tomatoes, and thought well why not?  So I dragged them into the lounge, ripped into the carton with my sharp canines, and ate all the chopped tomatoes.  A bit bland, if you ask me, and I think She should buy the ones with basil in for some flavour.

The thing is, Readers, that it’s hard to rip up and eat a carton of chopped tomatoes without making a mess.  Despite my best efforts at cleaning up – and I did try – there were quite a few orangey red splodges over the lounge carpet.  I didn’t realise how much I dragged them around, actually, and  managed to red splodge the length of the lounge/dining room.  Never mind, I thought.  She’ll see the funny side of it.

Young Lad was home first, and he found the red splodges, plus the Tesco own brand Shreddies type thing box that I tore into pieces, too.  Young Lad told me off, and cleared up all the cardboard. Young Lad didn’t, however, think about getting some bldystainremover on the splodges.  Young Lad was very busy going on the xbox.  Then He came in from work, and told me off again. Then She came in from work, and did, of course, see the funny side of many stains across the carpet.  I think that was laughter I heard, anyway.  I would think it’s quite relaxing, after a Long Day At Work, to be on your hands and knees half the evening with the Vanish.

By the way, Friends, this all gave me an idea for a new game.  You see, I suspect those chopped tomatoes had been bought specially for a nice Spag Bol or Lasagne next week.  So I thought, won’t it be funny if I carefully remove an Essential Ingredient from the food cupboard every so often, and watch the panic as the Gourmet Meal Plan goes up the spout!  This will be amusing.  Thinking on one’s feet is an important skill, and it will do them good to practise. 

I was quite tired after all the hard work with the chopped tomatoes and the Shreddies box, so slept a lot in my chair last evening. Lad revised Chemistry until gone 9pm, poor Lad – though it does worry me that Chemistry gets so much more attention than any other subject.  I haven’t yet seen him doing Economics Past Papers, for example. Maybe they’re  even more dull.  Young Lad had nearly fallen asleep on the sofa, after the exertions of Wednesday night, plus staying up to watch a bit of Champions League the night before.  So he was shipped up to bed and I wasn’t far behind, I can tell you.

Today, there was a New Routine in the morning, due to my bad behaviour with the bathroom bins yesterday.  Ebony’s Pack Leader suggested that I should be dropped at their house as Young Lad and She leave home in the  morning, to minimise opportunities for naughtiness.  Young Lad took me down the road at 7.30am, and when I saw Ebony’s Pack Leader, I sprinted as fast as I could with my tail wagging.  Young Lad wasn’t expecting this burst of speed, and I dragged him along behind me, horizontally.  I think his feet lost contact with the ground at one point, but at least he didn’t let go of me.  Well done, Young Lad.  I had a lovely day at Ebony’s, again, and behaved impeccably again.  Until I got home in the afternoon.  This time I emptied the bedroom bin all along the landing and also had another go at the bathroom bin.  It is totally their fault for not closing the doors.  Or emptying the bins.

Well, it’s Friday night and hoobldyray  She is saying.  Young Lad likes Friday nights, as he lays on the sofa all evening watching Masterchef or Police Interceptors. Lad likes Friday evenings as he eats sweets, drinks rubbish and talks rubbish on the xbox all evening.  This is his Downtime.  He likes Friday evenings as He has some lovely wine and reads the paper.  I like Friday evenings because it’s Pizza on the Sofa night and I get the odd carrot stick.  I’m not allowed any pizza crust tonight, as I’ve done a lot of stealing this week and am overweight again.  How rude.  Good grief, Masterchef is ridiculous.  “Susan has made a game, fig and leek pie, with pomegranate mango molasses…..”  What the heck.  Pretentious nonsense.  Come on John and Greg,  tell them to get a grip.  Fray Bentos all the way for me.

I need to update my regular Readers about Nana aged 86.  She has managed not to crack any more bones, and has today been seen sprinting up her long garden to her greenhouse. No crutches, nuffing.  Then she went for a walk down her long, steep, uneven drive and back up again.   This is Pretty Good Going and I am very proud of Nana aged 86.  Hopefully I’ll see her soon, tho I tend to have problems with my anal glands whenever I go to see her. It’s not deliberate.  Honest.

Thank goodness it’s Saturday tomorrow – hopefully I’ll get a bit of a lie in.  I’m fed up with the alarm going off at 6am.

See you soon,




Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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