Siberia

20180302_113119 This diagram, Readers, shows how much I enjoyed my walk today.  I am sitting nicely, asking politely if we can bldy well go home now as I’m bldy frozen.  It was minus 2 with a windchill factor that made it feel like minus 10.  How absolutely ridiculous to be out for an hour’s walk in that.  The river was actually frozen over, and that NEVER happens, so there was no sign of the Bastard Swans. Good. I’d like to say we walked under clear blue skies and winter sunshine, but no. It was grey and chucking down with Frozen Rain.  What is Frozen Rain, I hear you ask?  I too, thought this was just snow, or if push comes to shove, hail.  But no.  There is something called Frozen Rain, and it differs from snow in one basic way.  It hurts.

20180302_113940 In this diagram, Readers, you can see how many other dogs were out with their Pack Leaders in these conditions. That’s right.  One.  If you look very carefully.  It really beggars belief that anyone would drag their poor dog out in this.  Mind you, it was quite funny when we set off, as She was carrying a bag of shopping for LovelyDor down the road in one hand, and had me on my lead in the other hand.  Readers, the pavements were treacherous.  It was so tempting to run fast and watch her ski behind  me, desperately holding onto the bag of shopping, and finally crash to the ground, but there was nobody around to watch, and really that sort of thing needs an audience.  There was a bit of a dicey moment round the corner at the bottom, but sadly She stayed upright. So on we ploughed through four foot snow drifts, battling through gale force winds and Frozen Rain.  None of my friends were down there, not one.  They were all on their sofas at home.  But surprisingly, the snow did make me feel a little frisky at times, and I did break into a run occasionally!  Well, twice.  We started heading into Far Field, but at that moment a Full Scale Blizzard started so we wimped out and headed home.  Blow me down, the one other dog out there turned out to be some  maniac big labradoodle thing that wanted me to play.  Normally I would have refused, but I felt so sorry for us being The Only Dogs Out In These Conditions, that I joined in!  Yes, Readers, I played!

20180302_114130-1 In this diagram, you can see me playing, and my ears flapping out in the wind.  This is a Rare Action Shot and you won’t be seeing one again for a while.  I almost had fun.  Anyway, we headed home and I was very glad to get back in my armchair.  It was exhausting being out there today in that temperature.  

I was dragged out yesterday in the freezing cold,  too.  I’m so sorry there was no blog last night – I did tell her that you were all relying on this for entertainment on a cold night, but She didn’t care  seemed a bit busy.  It had been a Stressful Start to the day at 6.30am, waiting to find out if Lad and Young Lad’s schools were open, or closed because of the snow.  This saga went on for an hour and a half, and ended with disappointment for Young Lad, as his school was open, and happiness for Lad as his wasn’t.  Young Lad slammed a door and whinged a lot as he put his school uniform on.  Lad sat down in his pyjamas with a cup of tea. Young Lad was then taken to school through a blizzard, and She needed a coffee with Loadsakids to recover from all this. Loadsakids was enjoying the whole teenagers/school/snow scenario just as much as She was, and they stared into their cups without talking for a while.  Then rocked slowly a bit.

Lad startled me, Readers, yesterday morning by starting some Revision by 8.30am.  This was wholly unexpected, and turned out to be because he wanted to go “sledging” with his friends in a town Far Away.  Now, Readers, the General Public had been warned Not To Travel Unless Completely Necessary, due to the bad conditions. Lad seemed to think that going sledging comes into the category Completely Necessary, and asked if She would take him.  She said no, rudely and unreasonably I felt.  So Lad, in a tremendous show of Determination and Resilience, caught two trains to the town Far Away, taking an hour and a half, and the same back again.  This, to me, is a an example of the British Spirit, not Complete  Bldy Stupidity as he was told.  I’m not the only one in this house who is underestimated and misunderstood.  Young Lad, who had dutifully gone into school, was allowed to choose the menu for dinner last night.  He chose Harry Ramsdens and Aunt Bessie chips.  Plus, and this was the deal breaker, it had to be eaten On The Sofa, not Up At The Table. This is normally not allowed until Friday night as it is Common, but Young Lad was indulged as he’d had to go to school.  The one I felt sorry for again, Friends, was He.  He went to work ridiculously early yet again, to clear the snowdrifts out the way, and then clear them again when they all blew back. He has not had a good week, and deserves that bottle of wine tonight. Doubtless her friend Gordon will pop round.

So this morning started with yet another will they/won’t they open cliffhanger, until the schools decided whether they would open.  Young Lad’s school did, and Lad’s school said they would open too.  This displeased Lad, who had hoped for another day of train rides and sledging.  There was a Calm and Sensible Discussion for about half an hour that Didn’t Involve Any Shouting At All, as to whether Lad would be going into school.  Lad’s point was that the bus might take a long time and it would be difficult to get there.  Lad seemed to have forgotten his Marvellous Feat in getting two trains back and forward to a town Much Further Away yesterday, which rather blew his argument out of the water. In the end, She Lost The Will To Live and gave in, somewhat childishly removing his phone and the Xbox controller so that he had to do some work.  This was all rendered meaningless by Lad’s school making a late decision to close, anyway. Happy days. So it was just Young Lad, yet again, going to school.  Those that made it in were rewarded with a free Pain au Chocolat and some Team Points.  I would have just wanted the Pain au Chocolat.   You’ll be pleased to know that Lad spent his day at home well, working very hard on his revision.

20180302_122946 This diagram shows me helping Lad to revise all about X and Y chromosomes.  He said he couldn’t have done it without me.

Well, Readers, as Winter draws to a close and Spring arrives, ( yes, really)  it’s a good chance to reflect on the last few months.  The shark jigsaw still hasn’t been finished, and there are still two Airfix models that haven’t been made.  But on the plus side, Young Lad has discovered Energy, and the cupboard under the stairs has been cleaned out!  Who knows what the next few months will bring!!  Meghan Markel’s wedding, for one thing.  I’m still working on the route to Windsor.

Bye for now,

Russell

 

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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