By golly it’s cold out there tonight, Readers! I’ve just come back from the river, and it was bearable walking in one direction, but as soon as we turned round into the wind, my ears flapped out wildly and it dropped to minus 5. I’ve had no choice but to climb straight into my chair for a kip. I’ll be here for the evening now.
That was my second long walk of the day. Yes, we’re still on this ridiculous Exercise Quotient mission, so I’ve had to trot five miles again today. This morning was glorious, Friends – yet again, blue skies and bright sunshine. There were so many dogs down there, I didn’t know where to start. It has to be said I was particularly pleased to see dear Oscar, whom I haven’t seen for quite while now – Oscar is a Border Terrier who never fails to jump up and make her jeans very muddy. This makes me laugh. She really likes Oscar but he’d just eaten something hideous today, so we kept well away from his mouth. It was rather boring, though, having to stand around while She and Oscar’s Pack Leaders chatted about my blog. They even said I should have an Instagram account whatever that is, but we all know this is Well Beyond her Technical Knowledge. Nicedogwalkerlady and the three hundred brown labradors were there, and who do you think they had with them? None other than Barney The Oh so Adorable Beagle, the one who is cuter, whiter and better behaved than me. Needless to say he leant against her legs and did that silly appealing thing with his eyes as usual. Annoys the heck out of me. We left them all to it, and went over the bridge into Top Field, where we marched around to the rhythm of, “I saw the sign,” by Ace of Base. Another dated, forgettable song that most of you will indeed have forgotten, but not us.
Readers, the Bastard Swans were back on the river this morning. Do you know what they did to my dear friend Pippa? She merely looked at them over the gate, and they HISSED at her. Vicious oiks. Hate them. There were seven Bastard Swans down there earlier in the year, but I’ve only seen two recently. Good riddance. Poor Pippa. I had a lovely day at her house yesterday – my bad flatulence was still pretty awful at times, but again, everyone at Pippa’s house was polite about it unlike my own family who shout, “OH FOR GOD’s SAKE RUSSELL”, every time something pops out. I never get treated like this at Pippa or Ebony’s houses. Anyway, you’ll be glad to know that things are slightly better in that department today, so I haven’t been dragged to the Evil Vet. But I’m digressing – on the way back from our stomp around the fields this morning, we bumped into The Friendly Electrician and his wife, who were walking at a normal pace with their well-behaved dog, not striding frantically along to an early 90s melody. Thankfully we slowed down to chat to The Friendly Electrician and his wife, but the conversation was, as usual, about bldy teenagers. It’s always that or bldy dogs. Boring as.
This afternoon was astonishingly peaceful as He was at work and so it was deemed to be a Quiet Homework afternoon. (This was after Lad finally got out of bed at lunchtime, as he needed another lie-in.) Young Lad had to learn some Italian music terms such as CRESCENDO! and DIMINUENDO! Readers, I’m sorry to tell you that Young Lad had a test last week on these words at school, and scored an abysmal 0 out of 10. This smacks of a lack of effort if you ask me. So I had to listen to some silly, over-theatrical expressions of words like “fortISSIMO!!” for about half an hour this afternoon. Drivel. Young Lad will be re-tested on these ten words next week, and we’re hoping for a score of maybe four. That might be optimistic, actually. But I have to say, it was a peaceful few hours this afternoon while everyone cracked on with their work, and Gingercat and I both had a lovely doze. Until I was dragged out for another walk.
Friends, I’m so sorry for the lack of a blog last night. There is no excuse, really, other than She
couldn’t be bothered was a tadge tired. I felt sorry for poor He last night, who had to go back to work for A Dinner, and Dress Up Smartly. I’m sure He would rather have slobbed out on the sofa in pyjamas with a pizza like everyone else. Lad spent the evening Letting Off Steam on the Xbox, and so myself, Young Lad and She had the sofa and TV to ourselves. It was lovely, even though Young Lad has now found Season 6 of Chicago Fire. Just how many more burning warehouses will I have to hear about? Honestly. I was also annoyed that they lit some scented candles again during the evening – it’s just so rude. Her friend Gordon made an appearance; the tell-tale clink of ice and fizzing sound as the lemon slice drops in, is a dead give-away. I’m not convinced this is part of the Healthy Eating mission. Neither is the Young’s Cod in Batter and Aunt Bessie’s chips that have just been served up. (What’s happened to old Harry Ramsdens, I hear you ask? Too bldy expensive apparently! Re-branded and twice the price.)
Well, Friends, I hope you’re all tucked up in the warm for the evening. It’s brass monkeys out there tonight and I will be having a VERY quick comfort break in the garden at 10pm. And no, I don’t want to go for another soddingfivemiles of walks tomorrow, but will I be consulted? Of course not.
See you soon,