Ridiculous. It’s hardly my fault if the bathroom scales are still saying unpleasant things, yet it’s me that has been dragged out for FIVE, yes FIVE miles of marching through countryside today! Okay, we did it in two separate walks, but really it’s too much. I am absolutely shattered tonight, and haven’t even had the strength to beg for the empty yogurt pots. I am getting thinner by the day ( at least one of us is) and will soon be wasting away. It doesn’t occur to anyone to increase my food rations, with all this exercise. Negligent, again.
If that wasn’t bad enough, it’s Sunday. Regular Readers know that this means we have Lovelyneighbourontheright’s young cockapoo for the morning, and how much I enjoy it. Well, today the youngster did the normal bouncing and jumping at me, landing on my head several times, and I had to put him in his place with some growling and a few gentle-ish snaps. In the end we rubbed along okay together as we spent the morning in the garden, so he could be distracted with tennis balls to stop him jumping on my head. So I didn’t get a wink of sleep all morning. Plus, She and Young Lad were gardening again which involved a lot more hacking down of poor bushes and Young Lad was then forced to pick up all the pieces and shove them into recycling bags. Surely he won’t be made to pick up the Bastard Prickly Rose Bush bits, I thought to myself, and indeed, a rare moment of kindness was seen as She donned rubber gloves to do this. During all this, Lad was having another lie-in, but don’t worry, Readers, he had to Clean Out The Car and Do The Ironing this afternoon. I wouldn’t want you to think that Lad and Young Lad were being allowed to relax on their last day of half term. Oh no. The garden does look tidier, but I’m a bit cheesed off as I put all the recycling boxes and tubs under those bushes, and now it’s all been cleared up. My hiding places have been ruined. There was a lot of moaning about the number of Gingercat’s food bowls that were found under the bushes – they know quite well that this is where I run to, when I’ve grabbed his food and legged it to the garden. It’s not my fault there were 7 bowls buried in the foliage – they should try tidying up more often! There was also a small Bob The Builder, Scooby Doo and seventy four tennis balls under the bushes. And a lot of ripped up Harry Ramsden’s and Capn Birds Eye boxes. Add to the list several Nerf Gun bullets, a shuttlecock (I have NEVER seen anyone play badminton and I’ve lived here three years) and a lot of broken 99p solar lights. Why they buy 99p solar lights each summer, I do not know – they stick them in the flower beds, Lad and Young Lad come out to play football, the lights get broken. Every single year. But nobody learns.
Well, my morning walk today was fine – happy and uneventful. There were lots of people and their dogs out, as it was such a beautiful day again. I was well-behaved and life was good. However, my second longer walk this afternoon was More Traumatic. Look, it’s Sunday afternoon and there is a housing estate the other side of the path – obviously, the smell of Roast Dinners comes wafting down and I can’t help myself. THREE TIMES I got wind of a great smell, and took off at terrific speed, following my nose – I’m a dog, for the love of God! But oh no, we had frantic running and shouting, blowing the whistle like a demented netball referee. Well, I took no notice. What a carry-on. Anyway, I added a good half mile to our walk by these detours. I get no thanks, of course. Wellington boots are very difficult to run in uphill , chasing me, I do appreciate that, but it’s not my problem. So I was put on the lead for the rest of the walk, because I Couldn’t Be Trusted. We went up into Top Field, but not Top, Top Field due to the stuff that I rolled in yesterday.
This afternoon there has been frantic Tidying Up as it is the end of Half Term. Lad and Young Lad’s piles of school books and random bits of paper – isthishomework no areyousure no couldyoutrybldylookingat it – and some attempt at order has been made, by putting a Manchester City mug of sharpened pencils and new Biros on the snooker table. By Tuesday I can guarantee that nobody will be able to find a pencil or working Biro. Even the kitchen floor has been cleaned, Readers, but not the disgusting cupboard under the stairs. I know I teased you with that possibility, but it never happened. Lad and Young Lad have packed their bags ready for school tomorrow, in the vain hope that nobody is running around at 7am screaming where’smybldybuspass and things like that. Tomorrow it will be lovely and peaceful here for Gingercat and I, once they’ve all gone. I intend having a good look round, and feel it’s time to Get Up To Something as I haven’t done anything Major for ages. If I have the strength.
Well, Readers, Young Lad is about to have some banana tea loaf (now doesn’t that sound exciting), so I might just open one eye to have a look.
Bye for now,