Oh Readers, what an excellent day on the Nicking Food front! It really has been spectacular. It started when Lad took his eyes off his Toasted Teacake at lunchtime – luckily I’d kept my eye on it! That disappeared quickly, barely touched the sides. It was a day out of date, but still edible. Then we went for a lovely walk at the river – it was a stunningly beautiful day, and a tadge warmer than of late, so Mothers and Children were out in abundance. As they are wont to do, many of them had taken a picnic with them, which always spices up my walk rather. There was one large family sitting on the logs by the river – well, Readers, how does One Mother think she can control four small children and a dog? Really, I think she’d overestimated her capabilities. The baby had dropped their sandwich on the ground, and quicker than you can say Bldy Beagle, I was in there and snatched it. Oh, how She shouted at me and chased me around, all the while apologising to the Woman Who Had Too Many Children and A Dog. It was nice. I would have preferred wholemeal bread, but beggars can’t be choosers. And it doesn’t stop there! When I came in from the garden after I’d had my tea, Gingercat was eating his dinner – in one graceful leap, I dived and grabbed his bowl of food in my mouth and ran off with it. Oh, and I’ve just stolen a breadstick from under Young Lad’s leg on the sofa (slovenly). See? A top day!
Yesterday was like Piccadilly Bldy Circus in our house. She met LovelyDor from down the road for an Early Coffee at Barstucks, which was about the most peaceful part of the day. Then I was raced round the Rec for a pathetic 15 minute ‘walk’ while Young Lad was in the shower. I was left at home with Lad (he was having a lie in, of course) while Young Lad and She picked up two of his friends and went somewhere for them to ‘hang out’. Hanging Out means a trip to JD Sports, Macdonalds, and the Pound Shop. Classy. They came home two hours later, with Young Lad’s extra friends. and played rugby in the lounge (forbidden) while She took me out for a proper walk. Then Lad had a dentist appointment in town, even though he “really could not be arsed” to go, and one of Young Lad’s mates was taken home en route. How many people were left in the house with me? Are you keeping up? That’s right, two. On the way back from the dentist, Lad asked if they could pick up one of his friends and bring him home as well. Well yes of course! Why the heck not?! Then He came home from work. A HUGE dinner was cooked in an attempt to impress all these friends (it didn’t), and then She had to drive everyone home again. Readers, you think you’re tired trying to follow this? I was exhausted. What a ridiculous carry on.
The best part about the day – and coincidentally, it was Valentine’s Day – was that down by the river, I saw a Golden Retriever in the distance. Now, I’d learned my lesson the other day when I went bouncing up and it turned out to be Chloe Who Hates Me, so I was a little more guarded this time. But I was right – it was dear, dear Pippa! Oh how we bounded along the river together, jumping over each other, snapping, yelping, romping. I ADORE Pippa, just like my other BFF Ebony. Pippa is very strong, and frequently knocks me over completely, but I laugh as I’m rolling around on the ground having been punched in the head. It was sheer heaven. I was very irritated when I was put back on the lead and dragged off.
There have been less people here today, but still a lot of going in and out. Young Lad went into town to meet another friend to ‘hang out’, which today involved Dreggs the Baker, and the Milkshake Shop. Lad needed a long lie in, and surfaced at lunch time. I suspect he is going to struggle to return to the 6am alarm next week when they’re back at school. She went for a longbldyoverdue appointment to get the bldy grey covered up in her hair. I am really quite flabbergasted, Friends, to learn about who some of you are. It turns out that her Lovely Hairdresser is an Avid Reader, and even binged on the box set early editions of my blog. Plus Young Lad’s best friend from nursery (when he was four), apparently downloads my blog onto her phone. This is concerning, due to her tender age and the inappropriate language. Note to self. It really is amazing. Two viewers from America the other day! (Out of a population of, what was it again? #notbitter)
Dammit, recycling day tomorrow. This means our five sacks of the stuff have been tied up and put out the front for the dustmen. No more Captain Birds Eye boxes for me to throw round the back garden. On the plus side, when I go for my walk tomorrow I have a good nose in everyone’s sacks down the road. So does She. I think She makes Snobby Judgements about what they’ve been eating, drinking and reading.
Readers, I noticed in the paper that Meghan Markel is touring through the streets of Windsor after her wedding to Harry. Will she have her beagle in the carriage with her? Should I go up and stand with the crowds, do you think? This might be my best chance of escape! I’m excited – need to get planning! I’ll be sad to leave Gingercat, Pippa and Ebony, but not the rest of my family. Young Lad is watching Chicago Fire YET AGAIN, and it is STILL season five. He is reading the paper again, and Lad is on the Xbox again. It all becomes very samey, Readers. Meghan’s household would not be like this. Nor would she serve up her family the sort of nonsense dinner my lot have had tonight. Left-over cauliflower cheese (heave), vegetables, sausages. What sort of mixture is that? Plus the sausages were weird because Tesco had wrongly packaged one lot of their ‘Finest Free Range They Had a Good Life Really, Right Up To the Abattoir’ pork sausages. They clearly had something else in them, such as caramelised onion (who the heck ever came up with that idea?) Meh. Pretentious nonsense.
Well, tomorrow is hopefully A Quiet Day – nothing actually planned! I am really, really hoping that this might mean Clearing Out The Cupboard Under The Stairs at long last. Wouldn’t that be something! But I wouldn’t hold your breath. I bet something else ‘more important’ crops up.
Tell your friends, drum up some more support for me.
Bye for now,