Oh I had a traumatic time at the river today, Friends. It really was a shocker. Not only were the Bastard Swans back – and of course, we couldn’t just do a wide detour away from them, we had to go and lean over the ruddy railings to talk to them, as if the Bastard Swans cared – but nearly ALL my phobias were tested in one walk! Dear Teddy was down there, which was fine, but his Pack Leader will insist on bringing her friend with her, the one with the skin colour I don’t like and an American accent. So I had to steer clear of them. Then, up in Top Field, were the Three Collies that I’ve seen before, who terrify me! I had to whimper a lot, and stand with my front paw in the air, unsure what to do. I just didn’t know how to get past them. One of them had a tennis ball in his mouth, and looked VERY threatening. In the end I managed a half mile detour through some long grass so that I didn’t have to walk past them. As if this wasn’t enough, down by the river where the path narrows, came another huge group of schoolchildren! At least this lot didn’t have Hi-Vis jackets on, but even so, the nasty mumbling chatter and long, long line of them was frightening. I had to be put on the lead and stand behind her until they’d all gone past. It still wasn’t over. We went into Far Field, and I spotted a man in a Dark Blue Coat with a Bobble Hat further over in the field, and felt sure he was up to no good. So I had to bark and bray in my best Beagle voice, to show him who he was up against.
God, it was exhausting. Apart from all the scares, it was a lovely walk, as the day was crisp and frosty, with beautiful sunshine. I needed a comfort break at one point, and made sure I found some very long grass in which to deposit it, to heighten the challenge of finding it for the little black bag. I also walked around a bit whilst in the middle of the comfort break, as I know this winds her up even more. We walked for over three miles, covering Top Field and Far Field, and saw virtually everyone – Chuck, Teddy, Nicedogwalkerlady and the three hundred brown labradors. Everyone was out enjoying the sunshine. Even her pelvic floor held up, for once, and we managed the walk back up the hill without the sudden dash. Since I’ve been back, I’ve had to have a kip, as all the adrenalin rushing through my body dealing with all my fears has quite worn me out.
No blog last night as I warned you – Young Lad was at cricket practice, everyone was late home from work and there was Too Much To Do. Needless to say, dinner was the usual rushed Wednesday night convenience affair, this time of egg and chips. Not a lot on the plates for me, as they go in the dishwasher. Selfish of them. I was shouted at after tea, for grabbing a mixing bowl out of the dishwasher and running off with it; it had some cake mixture on it, which I love. I once ran off with the beaters from the food mixer, when they had cake mixture on, and then buried them in the garden when I’d finished with them. This story didn’t end well, as they couldn’t find the beaters in the garden, until they ran over them with the lawnmower. It was bitterly cold last night, and I did feel a bit sorry for Gingercat being shut in the kitchen as usual – this seems unkind, and just because he walks round the house yowling at 3am and pats everyone on the face, I don’t feel he should be ostracised like this.
I had a good root around in the hideous cupboard under the stairs while She was out for an hour this morning. I came a bit unstuck, as the ironing board had been slung in rather precariously and it fell on top of me. This caused the hoover and various other things to topple over. It really is disgusting – apparently this cupboard is to be cleared out next week, but I’ll believe it when I see it. There had been Panic Ironing at 6. 30am when it was realised that neither Lad nor Young Lad had a clean, ironed school shirt. How many times do I have to say it? Time. Management. In most working parents’ households, 5 clean, ironed school shirts are hung up in wardrobes on a Sunday night for a calm, organised week. But not in this house, oh no. Since we’ve been back from our walk, bldy paperwork and bldy emails have been attended to, and the large stack of paperwork in the study has been redistributed into several smaller piles.
Yesterday I had a lovely time at dear, dear Ebony’s house. We had a smashing walk together, and I decided to forgive her Pack Leader Male (I’ll no longer call him Judas) for fixing the inefficient lock to the Food Cupboard. He really is rather nice, and I do love him after all.
This is a diagram of me forgiving Ebony’s Pack Leader Male. Ebony was cross as she wanted to sit on his knee, but there you go.
Well, Readers, I felt a little frisky after dinner tonight and have been running round the lounge with a tennis ball, growling a lot. Lad has been chasing me, and trying to get the ball away. Lad is meant to be doing his homework. One could suggest that this is an Avoidance Tactic. Anyway, nobody can get the ball away from me and I am growling and barking very ferociously. Oh look. Young Lad has joined in. Young Lad is also meant to be doing his homework. Lad and Young Lad are now both lying on the carpet with me, and No Homework is Being Done. They will be shouted at soon to bldywellgetonwithit and stopfaffingaround. Oh look. Now He has joined us on the carpet. We really are having a splendid time, He, Lad, Young Lad and I – all chasing around after a tennis ball and rolling on the carpet. Notice the one person who isn’t joining in. Typical.
Dinner tonight was disappointing from the messy plates point of view – Harry Ramsdens, creamed potatoes and veg. No gravy or sloppy liquid. It would be nice if this were considered of a day, when dreaming up the haute cuisine menu.
Well, Readers. I am so pleased you’re all still bothering to read my blog, and I hope you’re still enjoying it. There have been several suggestions of me writing a book, which I think is a fabulous idea as I have so much to say, but She hasn’t gotbldytime. I may try to persuade her. In the meantime, do keep telling people about my little stories of a day.
I’m at dear Pippa’s house tomorrow, so will have a lovely day.
See you soon,