PG Tips

20180206_084744 I was SO annoyed this morning, Readers.  When they all went off to work and school, I went straight to the Food Cupboard as we all know I can get in there, Screwfix catch or no Screwfix catch. Normally my big box of food is on the bottom shelf, and I like to help myself to an extra breakfast or three. However, what did I find?  They’ve MOVED my food box out of the cupboard!  What the actual heck.  Not just put it on a higher shelf, Readers, but removed it from the cupboard altogether.  I was LIVID.  In sheer and utter frustration, I dragged out a box of PG Tips and took them into the lounge, where I chucked them round the floor.  I chewed holes in the box, too.  Next I had a look in the back porch and found a Shreddies box that had been put out for recycling (actually it was Tesco own version as they’re at least a pound cheaper, tightwads.)  So, still feeling aggrieved, I threw that round the lounge as well.  How dare they move my food!  It’s now On Top Of The Fridge, for the love of God.  How am I meant to get up there?  Don’t worry, I’m thinking about it.

So that was not a good start to the day.  When She came in from the school run, I sensed displeasure about the tea bags all over the carpet, but it serves them right.  Under the table was an empty Penne Pasta packet, too, which it took her a while to find.  Dried pasta doesn’t taste of much, but the crunchiness is good for my teeth. After a while, we decided to kiss and make up, and go for a lovely walk.    This didn’t start well, either, as at the bottom of our road was a HUGE group of schoolchildren, walking menacingly in twos.  The line of them went back as far as the eye could see, and I was terrified by their alarming chatter, and disturbing HiVis jackets.   Readers, this was very frightening, and I had to hide behind her legs.

Once we’d bypassed this threat, though, it was yet another stunning day – bitterly cold, it must be said, but blue skies and sunshine all the way.  Firstly we bumped into dear Ebony and her Pack Leader, coming home from their walk.  Needless to say there was the usual discussion about our respective behaviour, and how bad/good Ebony and I are in different situations.  Ebony and I were very bored by this.  Moving on down the path, I decided on a whim to take on two German Shepherds.  I haven’t done this for a while, and had forgotten what an error of judgement it is.  Luckily I was on the lead, so could be yanked out of the way.  Then, by the river, who should we see but Barney the Other Beagle.  The one that is so adorable and lovely, apparently.  Barney and I were quite playful for three and a half seconds, before both finding an interesting scent and going off with our noses on the ground.  She walked with Barney’s Pack Leader for a long way, discussing the Evils and Merits of Beagles.  Barney also gets into the food cupboards at home, and they have had to put child locks on.  Notice they didn’t try strips of Velcro!!!  Still laughing about that one. Then, Readers, I heard She and Barney’s Pack Leader oohing and aahing over something by the river.  “Oooh look, it’s an Egret, you don’t often see those, isn’t it lovely, so pure white, what a beautiful creature, I wonder if it’s nesting,” yada yada yada.  It’s a white bird. Innit. Strewth.

Once they could tear themselves away from an unexciting white bird, we caught up with NiceDogWalkerLady and her husband and the three hundred brown labradors.  Plus, to my delight, dear dear Chuck!  Still gleaming in the sunshine.  Today, though, instead of a lengthy sniff of Chuck’s rear end, I stood on my own by the gate into Far Field, looking scared.  Readers, large numbers overwhelm me, and there were just too many dogs congregated in one place.  It was intimidating.  I hope Chuck understands my rejection of his rear end today.  I hadn’t completely recovered from the Fluorescent Yellow Snake of Horrid Schoolchildren.

Back home it was fairly peaceful for a while, until the Hoover was plugged in again. I have to confess this was a little self-inflicted, as I had spat bits of cardboard from the PG Tips box everywhere.  Eventually, She went off to work, and I had a lovely time going through the Food Cupboard once more.  They might have moved my food box out, but I can still get hold of the tin foil and chuck it around, plus I knocked a couple of tins down and took a can of sardines into the lounge.  I haven’t yet worked out how to get into tins, but it won’t take me long.  When Young Lad came in from school, he had to clear up the tin foil and the cans.  This was exhausting for him, and more to the point, delayed his session on the Xbox.  Even by my own standards, I have been a  bit of a monkey today, but I feel there has been a point to be made.

Lad has had a long day at school and is supposedly doing his Chemistry homework now.   Last night we had Quiet Time after tea, so everyone could get on with their work.  Young Lad was encouraged to add to the three sentences he wrote at the weekend, though this was thwarted by Gingercat lying on top of his page as he was trying to write.  Then Gingercat headbutted Young Lad, and Young Lad’s pen.  Not known for his concentration, Young Lad found it hard to get on with his English under these circumstances.  Lad had a Maths Past Paper which was BLDY IMPOSSIBLE! and required a lot of shouting of what the actual hell, and inappropriate things like that.  One question was very vexing – “if P – n + 1, explain why DBA is a straight line.”   What a load of cobblers.

He was in late tonight, after a Long Day at Work.  Thankfully, dinner tonight was lasagne so it just needed heating up for him, and also the plates were shocking in the dishwasher, which gave me something to do.  Don’t worry, it’s on Extra Hot Wash again.  She has had an Exasperating Day at work, as Colleagues 1 and 2 were Whatsapped last night, asking if they could bring in their passports to countersign Young Lad’s passport – this needs to go in the post pretty pronto.  Colleague 1 and colleague 2 both said yes of course they would, and Colleague 1 and 2 both then forgot.  Although it turns out that Colleague 2 did actually have his Passport with him, but forgot that he had it with him.  She has been sighing a lot tonight. 

It is VERY cold tonight and I’ve heard some mention of the word snow.  I’m at Ebony’s house tomorrow, so I don’t want snow to interrupt our smashing walk together.  I think I might start talking to ‘Judas’ again – he’s had his punishment, and anyway, the silly catch didn’t work.

What a busy day I’ve had!  Probably no blog tomorrow, Readers, as it’s Wednesday and everything is on that bldytightschedule as usual.

Bye for now,

Russell

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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