You knew it. I knew it. And I suspect, in his heart, ‘Judas’ knew it. I was not going to be kept out of that food cupboard for long. The diagram shows what happened this morning during the school drop off and Large Food shop. It was simply a case of getting my claws in exactly the right spot under the door rim, and using just the right amount of force to yank it clear of that ruddy Screwfix catch. Once in, I knocked the top off my box of food and helped myself to a couple of meals – it was snowing slightly, outside, and I was cold! My stomach is rather distended again now, and we all know what that means for a bit later. Anyway, I am VERY pleased with myself and it is 1-nil to the Beagle. I needed a sleep after this, so wasn’t pleased to be told we were going for a long walk. In fact, I rebelled and refused to get out of my chair, so had to be attached to the lead in the lounge, and dragged bodily from where I was.
That said, it was a pretty good walk today. Firstly I bolted off to the area where some residents throw out food for the birds, or me, and was delighted to find they’d chucked a load of cornflakes on the grass. This was a nice dessert after my extra two meals that I’d just eaten. She was really cross with me and had to march back from half a mile away, to put me on the lead and drag me off. Near the river we bumped into NicedogwalkerLady and her husband, and the three hundred brown labradors. We had a chat, and there was a comment made that it’s important for me to misbehave at home, otherwise my blog would be boring. This statement has the wisdom of Solomon behind it – how very true. We went off over the bridge into Far Field, where I rolled in some fox poo and was shouted at. There was some fast marching round the field, this time to Pink’s “All About Us.” At least this is more contemporary than the usual songs in her head. It was rather aggressive fast walking today – possibly to compensate for sitting in the car on the bldymotorway for half the weekend – and I am quite sure Pink hasn’t ever sung “All About Us” at that speed, unless she’s taken something. In fact we walked 3 miles in under 50 minutes, which included stopping for chats with people, so you can see how rushed this was. On the bridge coming back from Far Field, we bumped into dear, dear Chuck who looked as handsome as ever. How he keeps the white parts of his magnificent coat so pristine, out in the woods, I do not know. She had a long chat with Chuck’s Pack Leader, who still reads the blog I’m glad to say, as he was waiting for someone called Sausage Sue and her many dogs to catch him up.
Further on I could see the Inspirational three-legged dog, but thankfully he was a long way away so we didn’t have to stop and tell him, yet again, how inspirational he is. So tedious. On the way back there was a very large white Samoi, which looked a little threatening so I had to do a very wide detour of it. “For God’s sake, Russell,” and “pathetic” weren’t the words of comfort I needed. I’m trying to have a sleep now that we’re home, but oh no, there’s frantic hoovering going on and Tidying Up. (That won’t extend as far as the cupboard under the stairs, Regular Readers, I can guarantee.) So Gingercat and I are trying to sleep against the backdrop of the hoover AND the washing machine. It’s awful.
He took me for a lovely walk yesterday afternoon – it was quite late on in the day, and I didn’t see many of my friends, but I behaved well for him, as I usually do. Young Lad was supposedly doing his homework – I’m not sure that three sentences will be enough – and Lad had eventually returned from the house party the night before. Apparently this was, “yeah, good” and required not going to sleep until some ridiculous hour. As normal, the female versions of Lad were all in a bad way and being sick in the garden at the house party. People are very strange in what they consider a good time to be. She eventually rocked home at tea-time, having been looking after Nana aged 86 as she came out of hospital all weekend. It had been a Difficult Journey Home, as they had shut thebldymotorway for bldyroadworks so there was a 50 minute bldydiversion through the bldycountryside with three thousand other motorists. Even I thought She looked a little tired, and gave her an extra warm welcome. This is partly why there was no blog last night, because by the time She had got home, knocked up a vegetable curry out of concern for the
crap convenience food everyone had eaten in her absence, told Young Lad his homework wasn’t good enough, and acquainted herself with Gordon, it was time for McMafia. I still fail to see the attraction of this – half the time it’s in Russian with subtitles, and bores me to tears. But I think we probably do all know what the attraction of it is, don’t we.
Oooof, that’s the first of many making its way out. Readers, you are lucky to not be in the same room as me.
Well, I’ve heard some muttering about rearranging the kitchen cupboards, as I can clearly breach any kind of lock or catch that Screwfix and ‘Judas’ care to try. I had better go and keep an eye on where She’s putting things. Though I won’t worry too much, as I expect He, Lad and Young Lad will soon put things back in their normal place. The cupboards are extra full, due to this morning’s Large Food shop. This was done at Tesco, to avoid having to buy Homeless Guy outside Sainsburys a coffee today. Nice attitude. I sincerely hope something decent to put in my Kong was purchased, as this morning it was two small spoons of cold, going-off custard. I kid you not.
Two biblical references in one blog! And a cupboard breached. Don’t ever underestimate me, dear Friends. Tell anyone you know.
Bye for now,