Screwed by Screwfix

ae235Unbelievable.  This old-fashioned, low-tech bit of metal has so far kept me out of the food cupboard.  It has succeeded where the Velcro strips failed so spectacularly.   (Seriously, Velcro!!  What were they thinking!)  Ebony’s Pack Leader male, who will from now on be known as Judas in my blog, is probably very pleased with himself.  But Readers, don’t worry – I haven’t given up on this.  For all you know, I might not have even TRIED to get into the food cupboard yesterday.  Perhaps I was too busy and had other things to do!  Yes, in fact that’s what happened.  I didn’t even try.  Watch this space on Monday when they’re all at work/school – don’t doubt my resilience, Friends.

I had been impeccably behaved at home, yesterday, when Pippa’s Pack Leader came to collect me for daycare.  These are rare occurrences, and I get no credit for them of course. Plus, despite having been warned to the contrary, Pippa’s Pack Leader said that I smelled absolutely fine all day at their house.  That’s because I had spent the ENTIRE evening and night before releasing strong and loud gas into the atmosphere at home, which was the result of raiding my new sack of food and rather over-doing it.  It was a good job nobody bothered to light the scented candles, because I worry what might have happened when that match was struck.  They were too lazy to get off  the sofa and hunt for the matches in the disgusting cupboard under the stairs, so they just sat there with their jumpers pulled over their noses shouting, “Oh RUSSELL!” every two minutes.  Anyway, by the next morning I had released all the gas from my stomach so didn’t stink out Pippa’s house the way I had stunk out my own.

I had a lovely day with Pippa.  We had a splendid walk down at the river in the afternoon, and I was really quite energetic, running and trying hard to keep up with her.  It was all that carbohydrate.  He came to collect me once he’d picked Young Lad up from school and we all had a very peaceful hour until Lad and She got home. Being Friday, of course, it was Slovenly Pizza night, which is one of my favourite evenings as my whole family are squeezed on the sofa together, eating Tesco Margherita Stone baked and Tear and Share garlic bread.  I would personally prefer stuffed crust, as there’s a bit more to it, but nobody consults me.  I love Friday nights though.  I sit and stare at all four of them in turn, making my eyes go all big and extra brown, and lifting my soft ears slightly to look beguiling.  If that doesn’t work, I whine and bark.  Usually someone caves in and gives me a bit of crust and some carrot sticks.  It’s a lovely weekly ritual we have.  Then Lad goes off to the Xbox for the evening, and Young Lad will settle down in front of Chicago Fire.  Season 5 seems to be going on for ever.  I was so tired from my lovely walk with Pippa that I lay upside down in my chair, with paws waving in the air as I slept.

There was one unpleasant moment during the evening, though.  I was fast asleep in my chair, when Gingercat came over and decided to sharpen his claws on the arm of the chair.  This makes a hideous scratchy noise and doesn’t do a lot for the fabric.  Readers, it frightened the life out of me. I opened my eyes, looked down and saw Gingercat with his sharp claws, and just for a moment, had no idea who he was!  I leapt out of the chair with a whimper and ran in terror to my Family on the Sofa, where I jumped up onto His lap and shook.  They, of course, were all laughing hysterically that I had been spooked by a cat with whom I’ve lived for 3 years, and showed no concern for my traumatised state at all.  It was very scary.  Yes, I’m bigger than Gingercat and would clearly win in a fight, but I was VERY disorientated!  It took me ages to calm down.

Eventually Chicago Fire finished, and it was time for drinks.  There was a bit of a debate, as She had forgotten to buy a bottle of red wine on the way home, so He had to pop up the road to get one.  Needless to say, the stock of her friend Gordon in the cupboard was fine – look after number one, why don’t you.   There was lots of sighing about, “thank God it’s Friday,” and He fell asleep before the end of Eastenders.  Bedtime was nice and early, I’m pleased to say, except for Lad who managed to keep going until midnight.  I was annoyed to be woken when he tried to put Gingercat out at that hour.  Gingercat wasn’t having any of it and it was rather noisy.

Today, Readers, even though it’s the weekend, I have been Left Alone rather a lot again.  This is because Nana aged 86 is coming out of hospital, and so She has to drive a bldylongway to stay with her overnight.  I saw her put the overnight bag in the car – I don’t like that bag.  First of all of course, She ‘popped into town’ and even bought Homeless Guy outside Sainsburys a Costalotta coffee.  This was due to being on yet another tightbdlyschedule and not having time to queue up in Dreggs.  So he had a better quality coffee, but no raspberry bun this time.   Young Lad has also been neglected today – dumped with a friend for the day, regardless of how convenient this might or might not be for people.  A list of homework has been written out for him, and there is some hope that he might get Maths and French done at his friend’s house today, but I would think this unlikely.  Lad needed a long lie in this morning, after his late night, and only surfaced in time to go out and meet his friends in a town far away, for yet another House Party tonight.  He did manage to send repeated text messages asking if She could transfer some money to his bank account URGENTLY, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to buy a healthy, nutritious lunch at KFC. It didn’t seem to occur to him that She wouldn’t be able to do this while driving on the M25 in the pouring rain.  

So Young Lad was dumped with a friend, Lad went out, and He has gone to work.  I, Readers, have been rescued from the boredom of all this by Ebony’s Pack Leader yet again.  She took us for a lovely walk over in the fields, but it had been raining hard,  so Ebony and I were rather muddy.  When we got home, we were put in the back garden and the Tap was Turned On.  This means I’m going to be hosed down and I don’t like it. I took on a very cowed and defeated kind of pose in the hope that she would feel sorry for me.  It didn’t work.

It will be a quiet evening, tonight, with only He and Young Lad here.  We will have a lovely time.

I’ll have another think about the food cupboard, don’t you worry.

Bye for now,

Russell

 

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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