Yesterday morning, Readers, my head was covered in the cold dregs of Lad’s hot chocolate. I had simply put my head into the dishwasher as it was being loaded – a perfectly reasonable thing to do – when someone placed a mug upside down on the top rack, and cold Hot Chocolate dregs spattered all over my white head. This was at the last minute, as they were rushing out the house, so there was nosoddingtime to clean me up. I had to go to Ebony’s house with brown stains all over me – it was humiliating. This is clearly Neglect. Thankfully, Ebony’s Pack Leader is kind, and cleaned me up, so that I didn’t have to go out for my walk looking ridiculous. I had a lovely day with Ebony, as usual.
I’ve no idea why there was no blog last night. I can only apologise. Yes, it was Wednesday which is always a latehomefromwork night, and yes, Young Lad had cricket, and yes, there was some desperate chasing up of Lad’s prescription before the pharmacy bldyshut, but really, some effort could have been made. Thankfully He collected Young Lad from cricket, to save more dashing round and moaning.
This morning there was an Early Morning Crisis. Young Lad couldn’t find his school tie. He had it last night, at cricket practice, but it has since disappeared. This caused a lot of Stress as Young Lad was worried he would get a Detention. I think this is a bit like being told “In Your Bed.” Anyway, Readers, the question you and I are asking ourselves, is why has he only got one tie? Anyone with a modicum of sense would always have bought a spare. In fact, this has been on the “to-do” list for several months, but has never made it off the “to-do” list. Poor Young Lad. This is another example of Neglect. A letter was hastily scribbled to explain why Young Lad didn’t have a tie, and to ask if the school could lend him one. All this hassle by 7.15am. It was exhausting. In fact, once She had left to do the school drop and “pop into town”, I had a little sleep, then was so bored that I had to go into the cupboard under the stairs – yes, you know quite well that it still hasn’t been tidied out – and drag my new pack of food out. I did the usual – ripped it open and helped myself. I also threw some hoover bags round the lounge for something to do. Then She came back and I had to sit through the usual absurd WHO did this? routine. Change the record. Now, Readers, I did tuck into my food quite heavily once I’d ripped it open, and haven’t even needed dinner tonight. I am making a lot of bad smells, though.
It was a beautiful morning, friends, absolutely glorious. It was stunning down by the river, and the Bastard Swans still haven’t made an appearance. I had such a lovely time – first of all, I spotted his grey marbled coat shining ahead of me; yes, it was my dear friend Chuck. He was in stunning condition, glossy and smooth. We sniffed each others’ backsides happily for a while, and then I was shouted at to hurry up. Over the bridge we went, into Top Field today, which was very muddy. There were lots of new smells and I took my time investigating every one of them. I was a Very Long Way behind her when I stopped for a comfort break – and again, dropped it in some long grass so that it was a challenge to find. The mood was not good. Irritably, She put me back on the lead for the last part of Top Field as I was Too Bldy Slow. Suddenly, a vision leapt in front of me, and it was Chuck again! He had run away from his Pack Leader to come and find me. I was allowed off the lead, and we romped away for a little while – Chuck’s Pack Leader used a different word from romp, but I didn’t understand it and I think it was a bit rude. Later on I saw NicedogwalkerLady and the three hundred brown labradors. They stopped for a chat, and NiceDogWalkerLady’s husband said something about humans being stupid and dogs being clever. He’s absolutely right.
Pardon Me. That was rather a loud one. This doesn’t bode well for this evening.
Once home, there was Furious Cleaning to be done. This bored me, so I stayed in my bed in the kitchen to have a kip. Eventually I was allowed to get In My Chair which had a clean sheet on. It wasn’t clean for long. Do you know what happened next, Readers? I can barely find the words. In came Ebony’s Pack Leader Male, whom I love dearly. Instead of the Screwfix catalogue (see previous blog) he had a package, and a drill. Readers, he fixed a special lock to the Food Cupboard. They think this will keep me out of the Food Cupboard, but I like a challenge. I’m really very upset at this betrayal by someone that I thought cared about me, and intend showing them what I think of the Screwfix lock tomorrow morning, when they’ve all gone to work. Watch this space. I refused to talk to Ebony’s Pack Leader Male, while he was here, and gave him my disappointed look. I don’t like to use the word Judas, but I will.
So the house is relatively clean for once, but not if you look in any corners. It’s been raining this afternoon and I’ve been in and out to the garden a lot, so the kitchen floor looks exactly the same as it did before She did the cleaning. But on the plus side, the Christmas Lights have been moved from the dining room table, to Lad’s bedroom ready to go in the roof. This will happen by Easter at a push.
Lad has yet another House Party to go to this weekend. There will be the usual lecture about Behaviour and Safety and don’tmakeabldy show of yourself. You’ll be pleased to know, Readers, that Nana aged 86 is recovering well from her operation, even though she was High on Drugs yesterday. Today she was quite abrupt with a poor Doctor who tried to send her home, so she is staying in hospital for another night or two. There has been a little problem. When She went down to look after Nana aged 86’s cat last weekend, She very sensibly went round Nana aged 86’s house, unplugging anything electrical to minimise fire risk. Unfortunately this included the freezer. Apparently the kitchen is now swimming in defrosted salmon in watercress sauce, and other such ready meals. Nana laughed about this. I suspect she is still High on Drugs. At least I can’t be blamed for this disaster, which makes a refreshing change. Though I would have cleaned up the kitchen for her.
Talking of which, dinner tonight was Bangers and mash with gravy. This is excellent on the dishwasher loading front, as the plates are a mess. While they were all eating at the dinner table (yes I know! Civilised!), I inadvertently let out a very, very loud noise from under the table. They all looked at each other in disbelief. It could be an interesting evening.
Tell your friends, January’s viewing figures weren’t bad but I feel you could all make a bit more effort.
Bye for now,