It wasn’t me

IMG-20180126-WA0002  This diagram shows quite clearly that it wasn’t me that threw a pack of spaghetti around the lounge this morning.  As you can see, I was sound asleep with a red fleece on my head, so couldn’t have been involved with opening the food cupboard door, helping myself to my food, and dragging an open packet of spaghetti around the lounge.  There was some suggestion today that Ebony’s Pack Leader comes in and trashes the house, then pretends it’s me, but I feel this is  Terrible Slur on her remarkably good nature.  Oh all right, it was me. It was a right laugh. I managed to cause chaos in the 40 minutes between them all leaving home and Ebony’s Pack Leader coming to collect me.  And don’t forget I had a Kong to clear out as well – tuna mayonnaise today.  An improvement on the half carrot from yesterday.  So yet again, Readers, I feel my time management and efficiency is something to be proud of – that’s not bad going for 40 minutes.  Oh yes, and by the way, the food cupboard had the stool AND a vegetable rack wedged in front of it, in a vain attempt to keep me out.  Can you imagine how nice this looks?  Elegant. So I had to drag those out the way as well. There was some swearing about all this and more muttering about bldylocks on the bldydoor but I can’t see them ever having the DIY skills to do anything about it.  The Velcro!!  Still makes me laugh so much.

Anyway, after Ebony’s Pack Leader had tidied away the three hundred pieces of spaghetti draped across the kitchen and lounge floor, it was time to go to Ebony’s house.  I’m sure this pleased Ebony a lot, but I still don’t feel it’s necessary for her to drag the nice comfortable bedding out of her bed, the minute she sees me, and sit on it.  She’s a dear friend, but very territorial like that.  We had a lovely walk – a beautiful day again today – and were much better behaved by not running off and ignoring commands. I arrived home just at the same time as He and Young Lad did, and we had a pleasantly quiet hour and a half until Lad and She got home.  Lad was In A Mood because he’d been In Trouble at school for getting behind with some work.  He now has a lot to catch up on over the weekend, and is showing great commitment to this by going straight on the Xbox.  Young Lad, on the other hand, had a commendation card for Progress.  This was a surprise to everyone, as he does bugger all, and he had no idea whatsoever what it was for.  But there you go, it’s nice to have some positives, even if nobody knows why.  She was rather late home due to bldyFridaynighttraffic and so some pizzas were slung in the oven.  To be fair, an attempt at Nutrition was made with the usual dull carrot, cucumber and pepper sticks – this is the sort of food you give two year olds.  But they all ate it hungrily in front of the telly (no sitting at the table on Friday Nights), watching Family Guy, which isn’t very suitable. I whined and stamped my feet, as usual on a Friday night, until someone gave in and let me have a crust of pizza and a carrot stick.  

Lad has been making tentative suggestions recently, about going to his first ever music festival in the summer.  Actually, his words were, “we’re going to Wireless, everyone else’s parents are FINE about it.”  There has been some gentle and calm debate about this.  I’ve heard the words, “grime culture”  “gangs” “drugs” and “overmybldydeadbody” quite a bit, but Readers, it seems the tickets have all sold out anyway.    So that’s a relief.  A nice gentle local music festival has been put forward as an alternative.  Lad and his ‘crew’ are still thinking about this.

Unbelievably, I’ve just heard her say is it really a week since Parkycenters/  Where’s the week gone/I had such fun/wish I was back there.  What a nice attitude towards her offspring and me.  There is, of course, always the option of taking US to Parkycenters, as I know for a fact that dogs are allowed, but that won’t happen as She’s too tight it’s too expensive.  So I’ll have to make do with the river as usual.  Day after day.  It will just be He and me out for a walk tomorrow, as Lad, Young Lad and She are going to an Important Place in London to help out with Doctors exams.  This is to help trainee Evil Vet type people qualify to become proper Evil Vet type people.  They have helped out with these exams before.  Lad knows more than the trainee doctors and can point out where they’ve gone wrong.  Young Lad talks complete crap and they are unable to come to a diagnosis, but it’s important to learn how to  deal with kids that talk complete crap if you are going to be a doctor.  Readers, the thing that’s bothering me is that they are getting up ridiculously early for this.  It’s Saturday for the love of God!  I will be very, very annoyed if they wake me up, and so will He.  We are planning a long lie in tomorrow.  I don’t want to hear the ruddy hairdryer at 6am, nor the twenty minutes of shouting at Lad to bldywell get up we’re going to miss the train.  I will be displeased if I’m disturbed at that hour.  On the plus side, He and I will have a very peaceful day with nobody here to annoy us.  

I was thrilled to see a couple more viewers from America last night.  At least someone listens to me.  I do feel the Australian relatives could broadcast it a bit – surely you’ve got a friend each you could get on board the blog?  Or put a note up in your local pet shop?  Really, it is only the two regular relatives who read this, and even in your very small town three hours’ drive from Melbourne, there must be someone else you could coerce into reading this.  Or are you all too hot in the middle of a heatwave……..you poor, poor  things.  Yep, beagles do sarcasm too.

Well, due to the Very Early Start and Long Day in London tomorrow, bed-time will be nice and early tonight.  It can never be too early for me.  I imagine Gordon will be out on the working surface tomorrow evening, as a whole day stuck in a train carriage or hospital with Lad and Young Lad will require a heart to heart with Gordon to get over it.  Lad and Young Lad are given a £20 Amazon voucher each, for helping out with these exams.  She gets diddly squat.  And for the second weekend running, Homeless Guy outside Sainsburys will not get his Greggs coffee.

Probably no blog tomorrow, Friends, as I will have behaved well all day and a day in London with Lad and Young Lad is a tadge tiring.

Keep telling your friends,

Russell

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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