Epic Fail #2

IMG-20180117-WA0000 Ha ha ha ha ha!  OMG, I cannot stop laughing!  Readers, you knew it and I knew it.  The soppy Velcro Strips were never going to keep the food cupboard shut.  If you look carefully at the diagram above, you will see that I have simply opened the cupboard with more force than usual, which ripped the Velcro strips apart.  I know!  I didn’t even need to chew them off!  Oh dear, dear, dear…what on earth made them think that some annoying nylon  with a schwip noise would be a match for me?  Let’s give you a little tour of the cupboard.  On the floor (slovenly) her slippers.  Plus some Christmas Dog Treats I found.  Bottom shelf – my big plastic box of food. As usual, they hadn’t put the lid on properly.  Also on the bottom shelf, Spot-On flea treatment, and worming stuff.  I left these alone.  Next shelf up; pasta and rice.  It’s a mess, frankly. Third shelf; tins.  Boring.  But I didn’t knock them all on the floor today.  One day I will find a way to get into the Ambrosia custard and Heinz spaghetti hoops.  Oh, what a start to the day –  It was sublime.

Before long, Ebony’s Pack Leader came to collect me for a fun day at her house.  I had a smashing time, and was As Good As Gold.  There was an error of judgement, however,  when I was put into the car with Ebony to go somewhere different for our walk today.  I had a small problem with excessively smelly flatulence, due to the stuff I’d eaten from the food cupboard.  Ebony and her Pack Leader regretted choosing a different location today, as they were trapped in the car with my foul smells.  Had they stuck to the river, we would have been out in the fresh air.  I don’t think it was kind or necessary to tell me that they couldn’t wait to get out of the car, though.  I tried to have a good Clear Out while I was out for our walk, but it hasn’t improved the wind issue tonight.  One word: Eggs.

She said that She had to explain to Colleague today, what a Kong is.  For the uninitiated like him, it’s a rubber ball thing that you stick nice treats in, to stop dogs becoming bored.  Though in my case, it is filled with cold porridge, Jamie Oliver Brown Windsor soup gloop, or out- of- date houmous.  These are hardly treats.  Today was a tadge better as a few bits of Gingercats’s breakfast had been left, so that was shoved into the Kong.  Anyway, Colleague has learned something today.  It’s Wednesday today, which is never a good day in terms of giving me any attention, or on the culinary front.  Due to the bldyshortwindow between getting home from work and getting out to Indoor Cricket Nets, it is fish fingers and potato waffles.  Dreadful processed rubbish.

What other updates are due?   Ah yes, the Shark Jigsaw is still on the snooker table, still unfinished.  Nobody has attempted it since Christmas as they are happy to write it off as ‘faulty’.  Young Lad has still not finished his Thank You Letters, and LovelyDor down the road could be waiting for hers till Easter.  He will be exhausted tonight, as not only has he walked to and from school today (over a mile each way) plus had Cricket Training, but he also had to walk All The Way Home yesterday which is a 40 minute walk.  He didn’t even have the strength to stick his English homework into his book, so She had to do it as they were bldyleavinghome this morning.  Time. Management. Again.  And Although He took down the Christmas Decorations and put them away this year, He has failed to notice that the lights are still up round the window and door.  I imagine they will be too bone idle to remove them now, and keep them up until next year.  Shoddy.  Am I building a picture of where I live?  The blue paddling pool standing up against the fence to block the hole?  The Velcro on the kitchen doors?  The Dreadful Cupboard Under The Stairs? The Christmas lights left up and dangling?  Classy.

Oooh golly, that was a shocker that just popped out.  Even though I say so myself.

Lad is on the Xbox as a treat.  This is Not Normally Allowed on School Nights, but it is a reward for receiving some decent marks in his English and PE Mock exams.  Maths was a different matter, however, and there will be a Conversation later.  This might possibly involve the words Tutor whether you bldy like it or not. Gingercat and I will keep our heads down during this.  

He has just come in the door from work, and I feel a little sorry for him. In an attempt to be an Organised Working Mother, there was a pathetic bid to put the oven timer on today,  to cook jacket potatoes.  The idea was to set the clock, and the smell of jacket potatoes would fill the house tonight as everyone arrived home.  However, it was 7.15am when this was attempted, and way before the first coffee of the day, so there was no real clue as to how to set the oven timer.  The result is flaccid, black potatoes.  But, as we’ve now run out of fish fingers and potato waffles, He is going to be served up these potatoes, microwaved, with baked beans and cheese.  Luckily He will eat absolutely anything (including a dog treat once, I kid you not.) 

Just heard the weather forecast.  It’s going to be very windy out tonight, as well as in. Batten down the hatches, everyone – especially if you’re anywhere near me.

Well, my blog is being cut short tonight in favour of going to sit in a cold Sports Hall, watching Indoor Cricket.  It makes a change from the Jo Nesbo book  being the main distraction.  

Tell your friends, Readers – more views!

Bye for now,

Russell

 

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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