Evening all. It says on the packet, “Proper Corn”, and I can vouch for this. It’s great! Just the right balance of sweet & salty, and low calorie as well. So they shouldn’t be moaning at me just because they found this ripped- up empty packet on the study floor, when they came home tonight. They should be grateful I helped myself to a healthy snack, rather than half a large Toblerone (see recent blog.) Anyway, I feel this indiscretion was justified today, because of what was Put In My Kong this morning. Friends, you will not believe it. Do you remember the cold porridge from last week? This was worse. As She and Young Lad left home, they threw me my Kong, which was filled with………leftover Jamie Oliver Brown Windsor Soup. Yep. Congealed into a thick paste (that’s the pearl barley for you), bright orange (that’s the carrots for you) it was the texture of sick with Worcestershire sauce in it. Utterly gross. I ate it, of course, but really. If anyone dares have a go at me about flatulence tonight, well I will have something to say on the matter. After eating this cack out of the Kong, I had a quick look round and found an ice cream tub, which I took into the lounge. Unfortunately it was empty. That’s when I found the popcorn, which left a nicer taste than the Brown Windsor Soup had done.
I’m so, so sorry, dear Friends, that there was no blog last night. This is very disappointing, and it has been pointed out by several people that there was No Reason for this, as She’d had a day off. It’s inexcusable. The fact is, Young Lad had some English Homework to do which took Rather A Long Time, With A Lot of Help. Plus nobody had ironed the bldyschoolshirts at the weekend, so they had to be done. Plus Young Lad had spilled something all over his blazer, so yet another bldyload of washing had to go on. After all that She was too work-shy to get the laptop out; there’s a new Jo Nesbo book next to the bed, and it seems this was more important than writing the blog. Poor, I know. We had, in fact, had a relatively pleasant day. I was heavily asleep in the morning, and didn’t really fancy a walk in heavy grey drizzle, but I was given no choice. It was no surprise to find very few friends down at the river, as their Pack Leaders had more sense. That said, I did bump into dear, dear Ebony on the way down and stopped for a chat. But Ebony was on her way Home in the heavy grey drizzle, whereas we idiots were on our way Out. We went over the bridge into the Top Field – I have to say, I haven’t seen the Bastard Swans or their offspring for quite a while now. Long may it last. Hate them. There was no poo or intestines to roll in over in Top Field, which was a shame, so I had to make do with being caked in mud. Needless to say I was shoved unceremoniously into my bed in the kitchen when we got home, and told to STAY THERE. I did, for five minutes, then walked across the light-coloured lounge carpet to my chair.
Dinner was curry, rice and popadoms last night. This is one of my favourites, as the rice goes everywhere and the popadoms break into tiny weeny bits that fall on the floor for me. In an attempt to eat more healthily, the jar of Sharwoods sauce was eschewed in favour of Making Your Own From Scratch. That way there would be no sugar, additives, loads of salt etc. Readers, we all know that it was fairly tasteless. The “onions lightly sauteed with garam masala” is no match for mass-produced salt and fat-laden curry sauce. Anyway, everyone ate it because they were very hungry. I had a good time with the dishwasher-loading, as the plates were plastered. Then He was given a very- out- of- date microwave steamed syrup pudding for dessert, while the others had just-in-date yogurt.
During Coronation Street last night, I fell asleep very, very heavily. I’m sure I wasn’t alone in this. Apparently I was snoring violently and had to be pushed occasionally. What annoyed me most was that when I woke up later on, I was rather bleary eyed and disorientated and they all laughed at me. I don’t see what was so funny. Yes my eyes were a little unfocused and my head wobbled a bit, and I clearly didn’t know what day of the week it was, but it would be nice if I was greeted with gentle, reassuring voices rather than snorts of laughter.
Today was rather lovely, because after the Brown Windsor Soup and Popcorn incidents, it was time to go to dear, dear Pippa’s house. Now, regular readers will know that Pippa was unwell last week, but she is feeling better and I cheered her up no end today. I have this effect on my friends. Except when I sleep in their beds and get right up their noses. So I’ve had a super day at Pippa’s, and they very kindly brought me home this afternoon as Lad was home early from school. Yes, this is the moment we’ve been waiting for. The Last Mock Exam. Dear Lord, it feels like this has been going on for months. Today was the last one, which was PE. You would think this was quite easy really – how hard can Physical Education be? Running, sniffing, picking up sticks, chasing squirrels, paddling in the river…. apparently it’s a WELL difficult subject at GCSE level. Regardless, thank God they’ve finished. Of course, this means Lad wants to go to another Party at the weekend, quite a long way away. I’m sure he and the other Lads will sit around with a can of sugar-free Lilt, sensibly discussing their mock exams and the Future. While the female versions of the Lads are all drunk and throwing up in the garden.
I had to snap at Lad tonight. He was about to shut the dishwasher door, but I hadn’t quite finished trying to get the smears of Macaroni Cheese off the plates. Lad tried to be assertive by pulling me off and shouting, “No,” so I had to snarl and curl my lip, to show how much I respected his authority. The dishwasher has gone on the extra hot setting again. As I write, Young Lad and He are cuddled up watching Eastenders, which is very depressing. I find it hard to smile at the best of times, but listening to this grim crap makes me even more dispirited. I’ll have a sleep, I think.
Tomorrow will be nice, as I’m going to dear Ebony’s house. I haven’t tried to open the Velcro-locked food cupboard yet (I was too busy with the Brown Windsor puree), but I might do that before I go in the morning. I’ll let you know. I’ll also be thinking of my Young Friend J who has to go back to the Marsden tomorrow, to get some test results. This will tell him whether all the horrid things his Evil Vets did to him, have been worth it.
Who knows whether there’ll be a blog tomorrow? It depends how exciting Chapter Six of the Jo Nesbo book is. Priorities. Wrong.
Bye for now,