Bolts

cranked_stainless_barrel_boltA wonderful walk this morning, Reader, simply wonderful.  Despite the grey leaden skies and drizzle, it was three miles of joy.  First of all I bumped into Teddy the Copper Australian Labradoodle and we bounced around together a little.  Teddy more so than me.  Teddy was absolutely filthy, and it makes me wonder what their kitchen floor is like, as ours is disgustingly dirty, but I imagine Teddy’s Pack Leader has higher standards.  Teddy’s Pack Leader had a friend with her today – unfortunately he was of the skin colour that I don’t like, plus he had an American accent, which was all too  much.  I did a lot of merciless racist barking at him, and made a completebldy show of myself, apparently.  She then marched me over the bridge into Top Field.  This wasn’t a good decision as it was extremely wet and muddy, but having stood on the bathroom scales this morning and screamed, there was a need for a Power Walk up a soggy, uneven hill.  I thought this was rude and antisocial as we could have continued walking with Teddy instead, but She wouldn’t listen.  Actually, I’m glad we didn’t as She had already given some of my Training Treats (ha ha) to Teddy and his brother Alfie, and there weren’t many left.   There was some diarrhoea on the bridge, but I didn’t get a good look as She pushed me away sharply.  Anyway, once back at the river, who did I see but my dear friend Chuck.  Yes!  I’d only been saying the other day that I hadn’t seen him for ages.  We sniffed each others’ backsides happily for ages and Chuck seemed to have an extra spring in his step.  His coat was beautiful, and it glistened even though there wasn’t any sunlight.  Chuck’s Pack Leader hasn’t been reading my blog over the tannoy at Sainsburys recently, and I suspect this was a temporary thing to shut down the Christmas music.

Nicedogwalkerlady and her husband were down there too, with their three hundred dogs.  We stopped and had a chat.  On the way back, a squirrel ran alongside me singing, “Come and Have A Go if you Think You’re Hard Enough,” but as I was on the lead, I pretended I hadn’t heard to save my dignity. The squirrel laughed and ran up a tree.

It really was a lovely walk.  I’m sorry for the lack of a blog again last night – She was too bone idle  busy, what with Indoor Cricket Nets for Young Lad etc.  Actually, this is cobblers, Readers, as He went to collect Young Lad as She was lying on the sofa with One Of Her Heads.  Anyway, when Young Lad came in at 8.30pm, he announced that he had History homework due in today.  So some reading and essay writing was in order at getting on for bldy 9pm, on how William 1st  successfully controlled England.  (Castles, Feudal System and the Domesday Book, in case you want to know.)  I pricked up my ears at the words Feudal System as that sounded interesting, but it wasn’t.  I hope She gets a very good mark for Young Lad’s homework.  We were all very glad to get to bed last night.  I had spent the day at dear, dear Ebony’s house, where she quickly removed the comfortable stuffing from her bed so that I couldn’t sit on it.  This was inhospitable, and meant I only had the bare shell of her bed to sleep in, while she had the fluffy bit.  Yes I do realise it’s her bed.  Ebony and I had two very long walks and I was shattered last night.

I think the One of Her Heads was partly caused by Lad and Young Lad.  Driving to work in the morning, there was a panicky phone call on her mobile from Young Lad.  Worried he’d had an accident, She safely pulled over to the side of the road, to find out he’d left his Maths book at home.  Later on in the day during an Important Meeting, Lad texted her to say he’d just had the “shittiest Maths exam EVER, not even the NEEKS could do it.”  This was all calmly and gently discussed in the evening, and the Good Parenting model of reasoning, not shouting, was followed.  To the Letter.

Regular readers will be pleased to know that She has booked a Swedish Full Body Massage for herself and J’s Pack Leader, when they go to ParkyCenters next weekend.  The good news is that this clashes with Short Tennis.  It does, however, mean they will have to join in  Geocaching.  She and J’s Pack Leader hope that this is a nice walk through the woods, stopping off at Barstucks to sit by the fire.  I think we all know that it won’t be anything like this.   She has been ASTOUNDED that, having booked two bldyexpensive treatments, She and J’s Pack Leader are not allowed to use the spa facilities afterwards unless they pay for a spa day as well.  This is outrageous and a rip-off apparently.  My feeling is that if you will go to Butlins for the Rich, what do you expect?

Lad only has two more days of Mock GCSEs, thank God.  It has been trying, to say the least. I’m very glad I don’t have to do any of these things.

Do you know where She’s going this afternoon, friends?  To somewhere called Q & B.  To buy bolts for the kitchen cupboards.  This is a rather extreme reaction to my behaviour this week, but She is sicktobldydeath of coming home from work and finding the cupboards in chaos.  As if they are ever clean and organised!  I’ll let you into a secret here.  Recently, when in someone else’s house,  She looked in their cupboard under the sink.  It was immaculate.   If one needed a light bulb, one could see they were clearly in the light bulb box.  If one needed a brillo pad, these were carefully in a plastic box with neatly folded cloths. She came home and looked at ours.  I rest my case.

I am annoyed about the bolts for the cupboard doors.  But don’t worry –  DIY skills are so poor round here that I doubt they’ll be fitted properly.  It’s just another challenge for me.

Well. my dear friend Pippa is still unwell and I’m quite worried about her.  I hope I’m not the cause of her ailment.  I did get in her bed the other day, too.  I’m not sure if there will be a blog tomorrow night, as She is going out with her friend Madame and others, for a drink and tapas.  I  think I would like Tapas, not that anyone offers me any.  I make my own tapas.  So who knows if there will be time for blog-writing amongst work and selfish socialising.

Tell your friends – more readers needed!

Bye for now,

Russell

 

 

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

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