It’s perfectly simple, Readers. Go the way I want to go round the lampost when I’m on the lead, then these problems don’t arise. I refused to give in and She had to walk round to my side. I met a couple of new friends down there today, who joined me in finding a pile of something rank to eat. I had a real spring in my step as well – must have been those banned Winalot biscuits – and I ran at a cracking pace to chase a moorhen, that only got away by about, um, ten metres. Then I set off across Far Field after a squirrel, but that got away, too. Bit frustrating, but these things happen. On the way back, a small white Highland Terrier appeared to be terrified of me and it had to be carried by its Pack Leader to get past me in the alleyway. Pathetic. She of course made insulting comments about beagles not being scary, just bldy greedy.
You’ll be relieved to know that the appalling flatulence seems to have passed through. There was rather a lot to clear up in the garden this morning, and it wasn’t pleasant, as He likes to keep telling everyone. He even had to Hose It Down. I’ve been on Reduced Rations all day to make up for stealing half a box of contraband biscuits yesterday, and I’m starving. The room I slept in last night surprisingly didn’t smell like a sulphur factory this morning, but the lounge still did from all the evening’s releases. The scented candles are back on tonight. You’ll also be relieved to know that She has found five minutes to watch the final episode of the NordicScandiNoir Weirdo Crime Thriller thing. The main character’s daughter died, but as she was half child half pine tree, this wasn’t surprising. What drivel. Thank God I haven’t got to sit through any more of that. Unless there is a season 2.
Lad had a nice lie in after all his hard work with mock exams this week; he finally surfaced at lunchtime and has worked hard all afternoon. Young Lad was forced to hoover upstairs, but this was punctuated by cries of, “it makes my arms hurt” every so often. He received no sympathy. He also had to spend half the afternoon on homework, which, as usual, ended up with She and Young Lad shouting at each other and nearly crying. Gingercat didn’t help by sitting on the laptop and patting Young Lad on the face – this did nothing for his concentration. In a desperate attempt to clean up the filthy kitchen, a lot of bleach was flung around. It is no cleaner, but smells like the local swimming pool. And – yes how could I forget this nugget – my MUZZLE was put on me again and I was held down while ear drops were administered this morning. This is because they are bldyfedup with me violently shaking my head. That bastard muzzle is horrid. I look like Hannibal Lecter in it.
Well, regular Readers, my young friend J is back in the Marsden having another week of nasty things done to him. The good news is that this time he’s in an isolation ward, as he had flu last week – this is excellent, because if his Pack Leader makes a Show Of Herself in the middle of the night, like she did once before, at least it won’t be in public. I’m not sure how easy it is to smuggle in miniature bottles of wine to an isolation ward, but I’m sure she’s found a way.
On the subject of J’s Pack Leader, there is some consternation here today. In a few weeks’ time, She is going to ParkyCentres with her old friend KentGirl and about 400 other people, to celebrate KentGirl’s birthday. Now. She and J’s Pack Leader, who is also going, had envisaged this as a weekend of sitting around in pyjamas chatting and laughing, going for the odd swim and lying in the spa reading a Good Book. Imagine their dismay today when they saw the itinerary. KentGirl has envisaged things rather differently – to include late night bowling, geocaching, short tennis, golf and – rumour has it – line dancing. She and J’s Pack Leader are having to rethink their image of this weekend at ParkyCentres. She might even have to practise riding her bike before She goes.
I’m quite exhausted tonight, as after my walk She put some stale chocolate brioche things out on the bird table. This is a pain, because I then have to spend the next two hours running in and out, to check if any starlings have dropped a bit. It’s very tiring, and requires a lot of whining by the back door, which gets right up her nose. Can I just say, at this point, that my regular readers might remember the afternoon spent whimsically threading monkey nuts onto a bit of cotton and hanging on the bird table. They have not been touched. Total.Waste.Of.Bldy.Time.
I’ll tell you something that annoyed me today. When we started off for our walk, we had to stop and chat to neighbours for HOURS. There I am, all raring to roll in fox crap and eat vomit, but no. We have to stand stock still for half an hour talking. First it was Ebony’s Pack Leader whom I love dearly, but I wasn’t happy when She tried to blame me for Ebony’s bad behaviour yesterday. Ebony’s Pack Leader is kind and understanding, and it’s not my fault if Ebony is jealous of my excellent behaviour and decided to play up. Then it was a neighbour further up the road for another half an hour on the way back. Yawn.
Tomorrow will be lovely as we are going for lunch at Grandma’s house again. Grandma loves me and appreciates me for who I am. And cooks excellent food. There will be a Lot of Family there, and I am bound to get some snacks. The car will smell shocking on the way back.
Wow, lots of views yesterday! How exciting – and one from the Philippines! Was that a mistake? THANK YOU to my friend in America, who has spread the word and there are now six American viewers! Keep going! Let’s see if we can get to 10!
Not sure that I’ll be blogging tomorrow night as I may be a bit bloated after lunch at Grandma’s. In which case, see you Monday.
Bye for now,