Bad dog

Christmas-Appeal-4I have been very, very bad.  I’m in a Lot of Trouble.  At long last, Readers, I had the house to myself for an hour this afternoon – it’s been over a week!!  Oh, it was a blast!  You’d be amazed what you can fit into an hour.  To think She was worried about the three batches of shortbread cooling in the kitchen!  I watched her pushing it all to the back of the working surface, and then moving it again, and again….so worried was She that I would get it.  My plan did not involve the shortbread.  First, I went and emptied the bin in the bathroom to see if there was anything rank in there I could eat.  I threw some stuff round the bathroom floor.

But then, THEN, Readers, it was time to carry out the plan.  I spent a very long time trashing the Christmas Tree.  I got underneath it and walked round slowly, making sure that it turned round in its stand several times, round and round and round.  This ensured that the careful decoration, whereby the best baubles were at the front, was ruined.  The best baubles were now crammed up against the wall, and the empty back part of the tree faced the room.  I managed to drag off six baubles, including a glass one,  which smashed into tiny weenie pieces all over the carpet.  They’ll be treading on it for days!   Red robin ended up behind the sofa and lots and lots of the Swedish nordic non-drop pine needles dropped.  They’ll be treading on those for days, too!!  But, friends, I hadn’t finished there.  For good measure, I bit through the electric cord of the tree lights.  Yes, they were on at the time, and I’ve lived tell the tale.  So now they have a choice of no lights on the tree, or the multi-coloured set that are all tangled and thrown on the twig in the hall.  Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I can’t imagine anywhere will have any lights left on sale.  The fun!  Really, it was great.  I’ve been scolded severely and there was loads of moaning about the lights – it was extremely difficult to get them offthesoddingtree because I had managed to tangle them up when I twisted the tree round.  She was in a foul mood.  I even saw her comfort eating smoked salmon straight from the packet – this is unacceptable, as this Is  Meant To Be For Christmas.  I bet Gordon will be large tonight.  Oh it was ace – such a good afternoon.  Haven’t had that much fun for ages.

Prior to that, I’d rolled in fox poo in the Top Field, and made sure I rubbed it hard into my neck and ears.  It reeks. Had a good walk – saw Teddy and his Male Pack Leader, who says he likes my blog. I was rather alarmed by two large Alsatians, and had to take a detour of about half a mile to avoid them.  Somebody in one of the houses had kindly put out some carrot on the grass – it wasn’t the diced sort in vomit – and I ran like the wind to grab several mouthfuls before She caught up with me, screeching.  I even chased my ball a couple of times – quite energetic today.

She and Lad went into town early today, to do The Big Food Shop.   Town was likely to be bldyheaving so She made Lad get up at 8.30am – I know! –  to make sure of a parking space.  (He had to be bribed with a hot chocolate at Costalotta).  Homeless Guy was outside Sainsburys and said yes please to her offer of coffee.  Hmm, a dilemma.  Not wanting to appear tight-fisted to Lad, She had to splash out on a Costalotta coffee for Homeless Guy instead of going to Greggs for his, and saving the 50p.  It would have been too difficult to explain to Lad, and anyway it is Christmas.  The Big Food Shop was done, although Lad is rather too old to be swinging round on the trolley and acting like a four year old, but there you go.  He was, in fact, Helpful.  

When they got home, She took me for a long walk whilst Young Lad unpacked the 6 huge bags of food and put everything away.  He did a reasonable job of this – it was only the Paxo stuffing mix in the freezer, the special cat food that he thought was tuna and put on the Tins shelf, and the pigs in blankets on the pasta shelf that were wrong.    He was gently reminded that sausages/meat need to be in the fridge.  I wish nobody had noticed – I can reach the pasta shelf.

This afternoon there has been yet more Shortbread baking – dear God.  The kitchen is DISGUSTING, readers, and needs a deep clean. A quick wipe round with some Flash isn’t enough after all this baking.  And as for the oven….

I really am quite tired tonight, after all the fun.  I smell a bit fox pooey, as they were lazy and just tried to scrub it off with a baby wipe due to bldytimeconstrictions.  I have been threatened with a bath tomorrow.  The scented candles have been lit, which annoys me intensely.  I find this rude.  Anyway, time for a kip.  He and Lad have been at Wet Sham again this afternoon, and I gather they’ve lost (they usually do) so there will be An Atmosphere later.  I’ll sleep through it.

Bye for now,


Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

One thought on “Bad dog”

  1. Oh Russell you do make me laugh!! I have been a good boy…but then I am still young…maybe we need to get together and you can teach me a few things😉…although I have dug up some bulbs in the garden and in a pot which caused some concern so I am learning😆. Have a good christmas and hope to meet you soon. George (and Wendy Kevin and Cara)


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