Guts

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Cracking afternoon walk today.  Went to the Top Field, passing Man with Spaniels on the way – he said I looked lovely and white, so She said “don’t worry, he’ll find some fox poo to roll in soon, he thinks it’s Chanel” and the Spaniel Man said “Shitnel no 5,” and they started laughing.  So I soon wiped the smile off her face by finding some fox poo and rubbing it all into my neck, under my ears, where it’s really hard to get off.  Then rolled on my back in it for good measure.  But this wasn’t the best bit!  Later on I did the toilet thing, waiting till She was right back down by the entrance to the Top Field, so She had to climb all the way back up to find where I’d been.  There were lots of leaves down, so it took her ages to find it – I spent this time looking longingly at the rabbits in the next field – but She eventually found it due to the aroma.  But this STILL wasn’t the best bit!  I climbed up the bank at the edge of the Top Field, and found a massive pile of intestines!   Lord only knows whose/what they were.  There were loads and loads – more than one animal, for sure.  I waited till She was well down along the path before I started tucking into a liver (I think it was, anyway) so She had to scream and run all the way back up the path, and through the field to me (Exercise Quotient, Again,  Pizza last night!)  Reader , I was in heaven.  It was like being let loose in Dewhursts.  Small intestines, large intestines, kidneys, liver, oesophagus…. you name it,  it was there in the bushes.  Now, really, Lad ought to come and have a look as part of his Biology GCSE revision, and Young Lad will enjoy it too, as he’s a great fan of CSI and the like.  So eventually She caught up with me – I grabbed one last mouthful of something grey – and put me on the lead, swearing at me.  The swearing got worse as She tried to clamber down the steep bank with me on the lead, pulling her.  Honestly, I’ve never seen so much digestive system – they were big, too.  In fact, She thought about checking whether the Homeless Man was still in his tent, on the way back, but his tent was zipped up and even She’s not that rude.

Sadly, I vomited up the whole lot on the way back home.  I suspect they were beginning to go off.  I did my best to recycle what I brought up, but was pulled away sharply before I could reach it.  Have to say I don’t feel too chipper now, and haven’t asked for any dinner since we’ve been back.  Imagine I’ll let off some cracking smells tonight.

Fairly peaceful here at the moment – Young Lad is at the cinema with his friends, and He has gone with them as the Responsible Adult.  This means that He’ll have a doze for 2 hours in the warm.  Lad is doing some Maths Revision, which seems to require shouting, “How The Heck Can Y = 3?”  every so often, and some stronger words.  Occasionally a pen gets thrown across the floor.  She has been emailing the Gas Man about the boiler quote – does this saga never end – and has done A Lot Of Cleaning because the houseisabldytip.  This morning I spent a lot of time running in and out to the bird table, as the Stupid Starlings were back, so I’ve pretty much ruined all the Cleaning She did anyway.

Good news!  She “popped into town” this morning and Homeless Man by Sainsburys is back!  He seemed ok.  She was going to stop and chat, but another Well Meaning Lady had beaten her to it, and was taking his orders for coffee etc.  So no queuing in Greggs needed today.   She did, however, buy some Cadburys Tree decorations for when they put up the Christmas Tree next week. I have my eye on them – most years I manage to get a couple off, regardless of how high they THINK they’ve put them.  Advent Calendars still up high, but it’s only day 2 and it won’t last.

Well. friends, I’m a little tired after the exciting find on the walk, and my stomach doesn’t feel great.  So it’s time to sleep it off in my chair.  Lemonade and treats for Lad/Young Lad tonight and I suspect Gordon might be popping in for her.  Hope He stops the bldy coughing.

Tell your friends about me!

Bye for now,

Russell

Author: boredbeagle

Slightly stocky beagle who lives with a family. This is She, He, Lad and Young Lad. And Gingercat. Generally doesn't get enough attention and so writes this blog to let everyone know what his life is like. You need to start from page one (First Attempt).. Go on, it's worth the effort.

5 thoughts on “Guts”

  1. Your surprise snack sounds offal
    (I’m sorry, that’s a terrible joke, I regret it already)

    Keep up the good work, Russel. The blog, I mean, not eating mystery organs found in bushes

    Like

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